Whimsical Fantasies

Don't You Remember?

2012-02-12T02:23:00.002+08:00

Adele's 21 is poised to snag Best A|bum at The Gr@mmy's -

A well-deserved nod to the one who encapsulates all my sadness in 4 minutes with Don't You Remember?.

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, none a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any sins,
I had no idea of the state we were in.

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember
The reason you loved me before?
Baby, please remember me once more.

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know.

But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more.

Gave you space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me.

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

2.

2012-02-09T13:49:00.003+08:00

February fortnights.

They'll never be the same.

March on.

3331.

2012-02-01T04:48:00.003+08:00

These wisps -

They bear the mark of time.

8 years.

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Coz I've built my life around you.
But time gets bolder.
Even children get older.
And I'm getting older too.
Change transpired as I distanced myself. Because It was going nowhere.

Those were the days when I was truly Happy.

Ah, yes, I'm getting older too.

Excuse Me.

2012-01-20T03:29:00.000+08:00

If only.

Only if.

If.

Only.

I would.

Wither Me.

2012-01-19T03:58:00.002+08:00

I think I may be Sick.

There's bleeding and unusual circumstances.

Nobody knows of these, not even those who are closest to me.

If anything, I'll just wither and Die.

Life bears little meaning for me.

Dear God, cradle me in Your arms -

That's all that I need.

Troves in Droves.

2012-01-14T23:41:00.004+08:00

Selfishness & Greed - how people are susceptible to such clutches.

The more one clamours, the less one gets.

Paddling furiously gets one nowhere if it is anchored in Greed.

Here's how to have your cake and eat it -

Be selfish & keep that Greed all to yourself.

I don't want any of it. Not at all.

The Vicious Circle.

2012-01-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

Each time I'm a tad Happy or at peace with myself, this is quickly negated with subsequent wrenches.

Fingering the logbook of moods & events, this has been true since 2005.

It has culminated in a Fear of being Happy.

The higher I scale the wall of Happiness, the harder its accompanying fall.

It leaves me Flummoxed.

Perhaps there will be answers Tomorrow,

At the place where Joy & Sorrow dwell.

The Waiting Game.

2012-01-11T06:04:00.002+08:00

Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus? Donde esta Santa Claus? And the toys that he will leave. Mamacita, oh, where is Santa Claus? I look for him because it's Christmas Eve....

Oh, pardon me.

11 January 2012 beckons at the break of dawn.

Purchases from the USA have yet to arrive and its accompanying lull exerts anxiety on one's faculties.

A combined total of $500+ had been plonked in November 2011, with nary a trace thus far.

Soon, the bells will toll for the Lunar New Year - talk about spanning across the seasons!

Ding!

Taken for a Ride...in a Cab.

2012-01-01T17:56:00.005+08:00

This cab was plugged into the likes of jazz and its accompanying throes. It packed a wallop in the residue. Was it not apt? Verily so, I'm afraid.

Walk away, please go
Before you throw your life away,
A life that I could share for just a day.

We should have met,
Some years ago.
For your sake, I'd say,
Walk away-
Just go.

Walk away and live,
A life that's full.
With no regret,
Don't look back at me
Just try to forget.

Why build a dream that cannot come true?
So be strong, reach the stars now,
Walk away-
Walk on.

If I heard your voice,
I'd beg you to stay.
So don't say a word,
Just run, run away.

Goodbye my love,
My tears will fall now that you're gone.
I can't help but cry
But I must go on.

I'm sad that I,
After searching so long
Knew I loved you but told you
Walk away-
Walk on.

[ Pe+er Gran+ - Wa|k Away ]

God's Answer.

2011-12-28T16:28:00.003+08:00

Turning to the Bible, this was what I saw in Jeremiah 12, aptly titled 'God's Answer' in bold.

GOD''S ANSWER
5 “If you have raced with men on foot,
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country,
how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

6 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

7 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the Lord's fierce anger.”

14 This is what the Lord says:
“As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel,
I will uproot them from their lands
and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them.

15 But after I uproot them,
I will again have compassion
and will bring each of them back
to his own inheritance and his own country.

16 And if they learn well the ways of my people... saying,
‘As surely as the Lord lives’
—even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—
then they will be established among my people.

17 But if any nation does not listen,
I will completely uproot and destroy it,” declares the Lord.

This inheritance that awaits me - its artifice chokes as greed from the Onlooker wears my patience thin.

Money cannot buy Happiness.

Like God has said, it has become a snare and I, a bird of prey.

Repent, Onlooker(s).

Depend on nobody but yourself. God has gifted me with what I do best & that will be the area in which I effect change in lives.

Do what is Good & Right. Be honest & uphold Righteousness.

As for the monetary aspects, I will use what I have to help the Poor.

That would be right in God's sight.

Clink, Clunk, Chockful Chunk!

2011-12-28T04:26:00.004+08:00

How long will the land lie parched
and the grass in every field be withered?

There are only two reasons I am still alive :
1) It is a sin to kill oneself.
2) Mum.

When the day comes that Mum sheds the skin of this world, would I still be able to struggle & stay alive?

Money in abundance - through sheer hard work, through an inheritance - would it justify survival?

Shall we attribute it to a mood swing or an anxiety attack? No, my friend.

I conceal my secrets well & nobody but God knows all that I've suffered.

"But you've a good life. What do you have to complain about?"

Really? Because from what I know, people tend to say this because of the fancy car, posh district & epicurean indulgences

Is that all it takes for you to be Happy?

No, I don't miss You anymore. This entire post isn't about You. I don't wake up thinking of You any longer.

Is this Letting Go?

It was the one thing that gave me a lil Hope, amidst the darkness.

I don't know where this post is going nor its objective. It's a rant, I guess.

Dear God, I've tried my very best.

Sustain me, God.

I cannot go on in this life relying on pure carnal strength of my own,

For I have none left.

I don't know what to write anymore.

I'm Tired.

Apologies for this being the least coherent post thus far.

Hahahahahahahaha....

Laughter drowns out the stifled sobs.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guffaws spring into action & displace the wails.

Laughter's the best medicine, right?

So why - HA - do these - HA - afflictions - HA- persist?

Warning : The Following Post is Uncharacteristically Mich.

2011-12-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

Day in and day out, all that's ever spouted is Money, Money, MONEY, M-O-N-E-Y.

It's not as if there isn't any - there's much to be thankful for;

It's not as if it cannot be raked - opportunities & blessings are rife.

More....MORE...M-O-R-E.....MMMMMMOOORRREEE!

GREED, that's what it's all about.

Pure, unadulterated GREED.

Is money that important?

Does it define a life?

Does it count for anything?

A million, then two, then three....when will it stop?

When will accumulation ever cease?

When will the consumerist addiction be abated?

NEVER.

Because Greed would not allow it.

It will NEVER be enough and your life will be a wisp of Nothing when the flame is snuffed.

• MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPPINESS •

GO.

2011-12-24T00:28:00.002+08:00

If you don't know the circumstances, you are in no position to judge.

If you think it's all but a display of hyperboles, you haven't set foot on my path.

Stay where you are.

Go away.

Get lost.

Yes, this is the first time that I'm being rude & caustic in my blog.

Just shut up and GO.

I don't need more bitterness in my life.

Let's Dance!

2011-12-10T02:07:00.004+08:00

Dancing in the rain -

It ain't easy.

I'll catch a chill.

But, I'd sure like to give it a try!

Pitter-patter, let enthusiasm not waver.
Petering out won't make it better.
So to the wind thy shall throw caution
Hop on and ride this locomotion!

[ Disclaimer : Figure of speech is key in its entirety. ]

Tumbleweed.

2011-12-08T02:22:00.002+08:00

Everything in Life is a Choice.

It boils down to guts or cowardice.

Languishing is a choice.

If Pain is the recurring resultant, then perhaps an alternative approach would be wiser.

If Tangles warp rationale, snapping loose would be a tangible option.

Cowardice stems from Fear;

Fear of the Unknown, the Subjugated, the Opportunity Cost -

What does Fear give rise to?

Inertia.

And one simply withers away,

Choked by tumbleweed and more.

For a lack of vocabulary, it sucks.

Ennui Be Gone.

2011-12-02T03:47:00.005+08:00

"I will laugh. Why should I show others my tears? What comes next after crying? I will laugh at adversity in its face." - 'Shuixian'

Strong words that jolted me.

Sometimes, Life throws you a buoy when you least expect it.

Hello there! =)

A Clean Sweep.

2011-12-02T03:38:00.004+08:00

I cried because I had no shoes;
Then I met a man who had no feet.

[ ancient Persian proverb ]

Positively Theatrical. =)

2011-11-26T02:07:00.002+08:00

It was Sweet.

We have a history but that's the Past. Huddled at a corner, we spoke and smiled.

It was great to be accepted as I quickly became friends with the rest. By the end of the night, we were completing one another's sentences, whispering & giggling into one another's ears.

I was Happy.

I was completely at ease with the Theatre bunch who shared my sense of humour, interests & lingo.

This is how I used to be - gregarious, quirky & always grinning.

Tonight, I found the old me.

Thank you, D. =)

With Apologies.

2011-11-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

There is Nobody.

Even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to pry it out from me.

For I wouldn't tell.

Pride wields a tight grip over that within.

So, this is where I hide,

Seeking solace in verbal threads which I string.

This is my labryinth.

Forgive me if this blog has become dreary & bogged with woe.

For there's nowhere else I can go.

2191.

2011-11-24T00:20:00.003+08:00

Every day, it feels as if there's a hole where my heart is -

It has been carved out and hollowed.

And when I do feel,

It is that of Pain.

"Tomorrow, Mich. Perhaps Tomorrow."

And when the sun stirs from the horizon,

It dawns upon me that Tomorrow has come,

But nothing has changed.

"Tomorrow, Mich. Tomorrow."

365 x 6 = 2190

Tomorrow, Mich.

Tomorrow.

- SmiLe -

2011-11-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

What's the point of having money

When it cannot buy Happiness?

Eat to your heart's content, Mich.

At least you'll die with a Smile.

Oh, Snap!

2011-11-24T00:03:00.003+08:00

She cranes her neck,

So the welts of misery

Are contained in her eyes.

They must not fall.

They must not betray her frame of mind.

She arches her back, for the yoke is heavy.

They contest her will -

A drop at a time.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Crack.

Grit.

2011-11-17T23:23:00.004+08:00

Little by little,
A tinge at a time.
The cracks go unnoticed
At the pantomime.

They laugh and they clap,
Before the curtains fall.
They rise to take their leave,
Each and one and all.

Dewdrops.

2011-11-12T04:02:00.003+08:00

I've been reading logged SMSes, emails and rummaging through the blog archives.

"If want me, just call k?"

"Call me if you want to talk. Hug."

Here I am, wiping away the glassy knolls from my eyes.

I'm angry at myself -

Why does it matter so?

Despite numerous attempts and even changing homes, the searing pain fails to ebb.

Aubergine.

2011-11-10T03:17:00.002+08:00

Her eyes are Red
Because she's Blue.

Ever So Softly.

2011-11-06T19:13:00.004+08:00

She lays her head on the table,

And contains her sadness

In the crook of her arm.

Blowpipes.

2011-11-01T03:35:00.002+08:00

Never the Twain shall meet -

Or so I'd thought.

Coincidences.

The crank factor has just been upped.

Gone.

2011-10-30T15:09:00.003+08:00

He's Gone.

Big Koo has left us -

To be with God.

Ee doesn't know it yet. She's in the very same hospital which Koo took his final breath. Having undergone two bypasses in the past, she was warded for a close shave with heart failure last week and has been there ever since.

"Did you buy lunch/dinner for Fat (an affectionate nickname without malice)?"

Ee's primary concern is Koo, for the siblings have lived under one roof all their lives - 77 to be exact, with Ee trailing at 76.

Tomorrow, Elder D. Koh will accompany us to break the news to her.

Dear God, I pray for Ee's heart to be strong.

Don't let it be a double whammy.

If this is my fault because of ____, don't punish my family because of my rash sin.

I should not have allowed the spark to be ignited again.

It is my sin to bear, not theirs.

Spare them, God.

Please.

Two.

2011-10-29T01:31:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Keep Big-Ee & Big-Koo going.

Keep them alive.

No amount of inheritance is worth their lives.

Watch over them.

Bless them.

Let them continue breathing the air that we take for granted.

As they lie in their hospital beds, cradle them, Lord.

As fragile as they are, let them grip onto Life.

It's a miracle that both have survived till this day.

Dear God, don't take them away from me.

Please.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

A Can Of Worms.

2011-10-23T02:53:00.002+08:00

=)

Opened. Savoured. Relished.

I'm Here.
Now You know.

I Eat...

2011-10-17T23:13:00.002+08:00

... To be Happy, if only for a while.
... To fill the void within.
... To forget.

Some turn to alcohol.
Others turn to drugs.
Some inflict self-injury.

Me? I indulge.

The more I eat, the thinner I get.
Why?
Barring physical afflictions, It has been gnawing away.

It has been eating me alive.

Ah, Life's lil ironies.

Sleeping Seal.

2011-10-17T13:06:00.003+08:00

There are days.

And then, there are nights.

While I lull in this dull throb, Life plods along.

Standing still gets one nowhere,

For that is long gone.

I rise to my feet, albeit reluctantly and move on.

Occasionally, I turn back and throw a cursory glance, hoping to catch the familiar glimpse in the distance but a mass of darkness greets me instead.

Last night, these digits that transcribe my thoughts found their way into concocting, "Meet me tonight?" before negating that with a stark space.

There's unfinished business and the abrupt finality picks at the scabs.

I don't know if I'll ever pull through This.

I don't.

A Long Shot.

2011-10-12T02:25:00.001+08:00

Release me,
Yesterday.

On The Mend. Round The Bend.

2011-10-01T23:53:00.007+08:00

Imbued impressions of those she's not,
A wisp straggled that Time forgot.

Of laughs and tears the days have forged.
Entrenched within are those she'd dodged.

Six years and counting, who knows when?
Fractured, her masque shall hold till then.

Till the Morn is Nigh.

2011-09-23T03:21:00.002+08:00

In her Heart of hearts,

No, she doesn't want to Leave.

She'd very much love to Stay,

And watch as fluffy whites sail by

Where the sky meets the sea.

Frigidly cast, her mien displays none of such whims.

Yes, she longs to dance in the field of daffodils.

Yet, Life will have none of this.

She's leaving.

Today.

Goodbye, Sleeping Seal.

Dream as You will.

Morning beckons

And wake must I,

Sans sweet song and lullaby.

In A Matter Of Days.

2011-09-20T05:06:00.002+08:00

Come Friday, Change will arrive.

The last of memories - the rides, banter, joy and laughter - shall be no more.

Goodbye.

I leave with a heavy heart, but it must be done.

For I'm moving far from where You are,

Before You too, depart.

Changeling.

2011-08-31T05:56:00.000+08:00

The only constant is Change.

It will do us good.

Before the last leaf falls,

A dew drops,

Enough for a flower to grow.

Before We Go.

2011-08-31T05:38:00.004+08:00

Till the end of days, she'll never Know.

Ignorance charmed, yet never Told.

A life once hinged on Yes or No.

Tattered, torn and dredged in woe,

She sought to flee amidst her sorrow.

For whom it was, The Boy doth Know.

Perforations of a Certain Kind.

2011-08-01T03:58:00.003+08:00

Do you think that I'm materialistic?

I (try to) enjoy a certain lifestyle but it diminishes in importance when it comes to being Happy.

In my previous post, I pondered on the purpose of me ploughing away.

In all honesty, I love what I do.

Still, I suppose that Work is a means of avoidance that I have become accustomed to employing in a bid to validate my self-worth.

Was that a mouthful?

In short, I work hard because it is an area where success is a given. I'm very good at what I do and thus, it compensates for that which is lacking in other areas. It fills the void which was left by _____.

Don't get me wrong. I'm Contented with the current page.

But to have my eyes sparkle & twinkle with a lil flutter of the heart?

Those days are gone.

I may have vanished without a trace but on nights like this, a part of me wonders if I do wade into your consciousness occasionally.

This, That and Those - A myriad of the Unknown that I should not know.

I would love to meet you, before ______.

Yet, I'm afraid that if I do, my efforts will be vanquished & past hurts will surface.

Yes, Mich may be opinionated & feisty but cowardice triumphs in this particular area.

Oh, well....

Dredged.

2011-07-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

A faint throb.
A quiver.
A breath.
A trickle.

Wanted : Me-Time

2011-07-19T21:44:00.004+08:00

Paddling furiously, what is the purpose of working this hard?

I L-O-V-E what I do, but at what expense?

For every pupil that I take under my wing, I rake $800-$1400 and hence, it is easy to overload my schedule with numerous pupils.

I'm in high demand as there is a waiting list of anxious parents who would like me to teach their children. Word of mouth from previous pupils has ensured that this list has swelled over the years.

There is plenty in terms of moolah, but the opportunity to reap its benefits are few and far between, save for the school holidays.

Nary a minute is spared on myself as I race against Time.

Wednesdays are with Him while Sundays are for church and hanging out with V till evening beckons.

However, I'm in dire need of some Me-Time.

My spare change for some Me-Time is in the wee hours, when darkness cloaks and all is still.

The opportunity cost? Sleep.

I'm Tired, but not Jaded.

I love what I do.

I'm very good at what I do.

But the price I'm paying for fattened wads is intangible.

One day, it shall bite back with a vengeance.

Moolah.

2011-07-10T01:28:00.004+08:00

Money.

Is it really that important?

Can it really make one Happy?

Then pray, what is the cost of Happiness?

It must be a sum far more enormous than that of six figures, for that has not bagged the coveted prize.

Seven figures? Nope, for that's in place.

When will it be Enough to grasp the throes of joy?

Oh, snap! Wait a minute!

Silly me. There's no price tag on Happiness!

What was I thinking, that wads could pad delight upon delight?

Go Figure.

Moolah.

The Tree.

2011-07-10T00:31:00.003+08:00

On the surface, the Tree appears to be sturdy and proud.

They admire its canopy from afar, for its opulence marks the heart of the forest.

The leaves rustle & fall, 5000 to be exact.

The days go by and another 10 000 are shed.

3000 more find their way to the ground,

5000 soon follow closely behind

And then, 24 000 adds to the score.

15 000 are raked away.

Fall arrives and a gust of wind throttles the Tree, claiming 35 000 leaves in the process.

The Tree is chastised for scattering its leaves in an unsightly manner.

Nobody remembers the Tree for its magnificence in the seasons gone by.

The leaves which once adorned its crown lie crumpled and are trodden upon.

They forget that the Tree shall sprout new leaves again.

And those lush leaves will be held in high regard once more.

Yes, Spring is nigh.

Despite shedding more than 100 000 leaves & being unappreciated, the Tree blossoms and is fruitful,

For that is its very nature.

And it shall bear yet another 200 000 leaves soon.

Very soon.

For now, it weeps for each leaf shed in vain.

Bow Wow...Meow?

2011-06-20T04:01:00.000+08:00

I just love it when it goes from a simulated 'woof' to a contrived 'meow' (and perhaps a load of 'oh-crap' in catspeak)!

*Note : do not attempt to take this vid seriously. After all, it is from noob.us!

Singular.

2011-06-18T04:20:00.002+08:00

The answer is No.

Don't.

Snuffing That Spark.

2011-06-18T04:01:00.005+08:00

You could choose to ignite a spark, fan the flames and get the fire going. Fixated in fascination as the fiery tongues skittle about, caution is thrown to the wind and a blaze is imminent.

Or You could choose to douse the flames. Wisps flutter and with a fizzle, all that stands is but a charred wick, thus averting a disaster.

Mich's Choice of the Day :

Whoosh!

2011-06-18T03:44:00.003+08:00

There are Things which are hidden,

Words that aren't spoken,

Hurts that won't heal.

But You keep trying.

And Hope.

Because You've been there and You know that Hope is tangible.

Despite the salacious Past, it is better that Things are laid to rest.

The amygdala shall cease to reign for once and rightfully so, the dramatic overtures would come to a halt.

Disassociation from the Past; Cradling of the Future - it's a rocky path embedded with treacherous terrain.

Hold on tight now.

Here we Go.....

After A Month's Hiatus.

2011-06-04T03:52:00.007+08:00

I've found Happiness.

Its name?

Contentment.

I've learnt so much about Life in the speckled months of March, April and May 2011.

The years prior to those months are redundant and flighty at best.

Life is meaningful and with a purpose now.

I chose to Let Go and Let God.

The months have been trying and I'd reached breaking point in every aspect of my life. Despite these, I stood rooted in Faith and surrendered wholly to God. My circumstances were dire and only God could fashion a miracle.

With His Grace and Mercy, I've been blessed immensely in all areas of my Life ever since. The miracles that I'd needed transpired in reality.

Now, I've much to give back to God. Gratitude is only the tip of the iceberg.

Tweaking certain areas of my Life, my attention is drawn towards You -

Thank You for being part of my Life, flourishing in seasons past. However, from this time forth, we'll no longer be treading on the same path in Life.

Farewell, You.
2005 - 2011.

Mich is finally Free.

And Happy. :)

The Glassy Knolls.

2011-05-06T13:59:00.005+08:00

There was a time when I was Happy.

I knew no tears, only joy.

Then, a point of intersection appeared.

Henceforth, glassy knolls welted and sidled up as confidants.

I regret You.

I regret Him.

I regret doing as much as I could to devoting much of my Time, Patience, Effort and Money.

I regret my sacrifices.

I regret putting up with so much for so little. I do not mean that in the monetary sense.

"Let it go. You'll be Happier, Girl. I can accept it if it means that you will be Happier," Mum said gently. I share a tight relationship with my mother and she has seen how I've withered away in recent years.

Much of what we have is Mine (including the nifty car though I do not have a driving license) but like I said, money matters not to me.

If only what I Have can buy what I Want.

How much is that Happiness in the window?

Imaginings.

2011-05-05T03:58:00.005+08:00

What's new?
Yet another dream of You pervades my consciousness.
As we lived across each other, I ran to Your door and wrapped my arms around You. You followed suit and smiled. Just then, He beckoned me to return, albeit in evident fury. Reluctantly, I backed away from You. There was a glint in Your eye. Whispering that You would be home in the afternoon on Saturday, You told me to sneak out from my abode to huddle in Yours.

Come Saturday, I elbowed my way through the crowd at a bustling interchange. It was 7pm. Flustered, I rang up your residence. Despite repeated attempts at contacting You, You did not answer the phone for You had already left. I was too late.

The flurried vexation gave a much-needed jolt back to reality.Tears … they deluge my heart like the rain — Emily Brontë

It Is Not Easy.

2011-05-05T03:41:00.003+08:00

Dear God, sustain me.

Guide me through this period of turmoil, strife and grief.

May I be rooted in Integrity and Honesty,

Doing what is Right in Your sight.

May I not waver in my resolve, regardless of the stirring of emotions.

Sow the seed of Righteousness, so that I may do Good.

I cannot untangle my knots but I'm good at helping others. Help me to pummel through my own difficulties as well as the circumstances of others.

Dear God, I am unscathed today because of Your Grace and Mercy.

These fragments of my life - take them and make me whole again.

Amen.

Paddling...

2011-05-05T03:40:00.002+08:00

...Is not good enough.

A Typical Atypical Sunday.

2011-05-02T05:43:00.002+08:00

I got up and inched towards The Place, albeit gingerly.

There, The Semblance of Your Being was in plain view.

A smidgen scrunched, I held my ground.

"Hold captive every thought and submit it to The Lord." Pastor 1vy's (intentional misnomer) cautioned.

The cauterization carried an intrinsic worth about it -

Faith is eager and uncomplicated.

And It came to pass with a Smile.

Water a Day, Two a brew.
Three and more to imbue.

Yes, I can.

Yes, I will.

Easter 2011.

2011-04-24T03:29:00.002+08:00

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never let the righteous fall.

[ Psalm 55 : 22 ]

Being Low-Key.

2011-04-24T02:59:00.003+08:00

D : Is everything fine? You have been MIA for a long while.
Me : (lying through gritted teeth) Yes. I've just been very busy.

D : Mich, you can't lie to me. You would not cast friends aside for work. Not for more than a month.
Me : Uh, Oh....

(stony silence)

D : I know that you being you, will tell me if you wanted to. So, I won't ask. Whatever it is, I hope to see you soon, Mich. I hope to hear you laugh and get all excited with your giggles again.
Me : Yeah, thanks, D.

Summing up my social activity in March & April, regrettably there's little to share -
1) 1-hr dinner with T.
2) Dinner & movie.
3) Lunch at Ship R3staurant (intentional misnomer to prevent random trolling.)
4) Trotting around Orchard and watching a movie.
5) Church, lunch & dinner with V - with shopping to while the afternoon away.

Soon, my Friends. Soon.

Soon, Mich will crawl out of her shell.

Give Me Time.

好吗?

Caught In The Middle.

2011-04-21T21:24:00.001+08:00

Have you ever stabbed yourself in the stomach with the knife in your hand?
For better or worse, it wasn't a steak knife.

As My Gaze Falls Away.

2011-04-17T19:01:00.005+08:00

It's been a trying month.

The facade of nonchalance prevails and Silence continues to permeate.

How different things were mere weeks ago -
How I'd looked forward to the Promise;
How You'd surprised me;

Life mocks me for being Daft.

The dreadful alternative presents these fretful fractures.

The charm of fond words vanishes when one repeats them to the Indifferent.

And so, with deliberate detachment on my part, I've lost You.

Intentionally. Again.

Not Once. But Twice.

Things have happened to You the way it has happened to Me.

And yet, I struggle to look the other way.

You must be wondering why that Promise was forged and yet, why have I ceased communication? Why have I chosen to ignore every word & deed undertaken?

I'm keeping You at arm's length for Your sake. For Your safety.

There is no basis for comparison,

Because You are already the very Best.

To Me.

Always.

6 Years ... On This Very Day.

2011-04-12T03:41:00.007+08:00

6 years ago, on this day, we connected for the first time.

Hours were frittered daily and I found myself immersed in You. Reasons were concocted to meet me & I basked in that sweetness, albeit short-lived.

Drawing close to You was a mistake, for it has brought us more grief than joy.

Not long after, I broke You. Then, You left for lands far beyond.

When You returned, it continued. We found excuses to meet each other. I'd smile & wrap your windbreaker around me as you insisted that I put it on. You'd adjust the helmet for me coz I could never figure how to get it right. You handed me lil trinkets from the lands that you'd explored.

The next year, You took me to dizzying heights & constantly surprised me or found reasons to show up. Swiftly thereafter, You shattered me in the same way that I'd inflicted pain on You.

I fled from You. A year later, You reappeared and took me to an expensive restaurant, sent me home & said certain things.

The following year, You were to spend Valentine's with me but that fizzled out. Then, You surprised me on X'mas Eve with a gift and an
unexpected meet-up. The klutz in me fumbled just as words were to be spoken & thus, they were never uttered.

In 2010, I made it for You. However, it would come to pass months later that some semblance of normalcy fizzled after a disastrous lunch.

Silly Me thought that 2011was the year of reckoning. 2005 was here again. I was prepared to fight for my happiness & choose You this time, come what may. As I awaited Your return excitedly, things happened. I was a wreck - physically, emotionally & mentally. I had to force myself to keep mum despite the promises. I did not want You to see me in such a sorry state, so I kept my distance.

In a twist of fate, the very incident that has just happened to Me has also struck You.

Today.

On this very day.

6 years after we connected.

Somehow, I can't help but feel that things have come in full circle.

I'm still on the road to recovery with several appointments & coffers due.

My silence wreaks havoc as my lips are coerced in a tight nip and these hands find comfort in contorted grips.

"No, I must not care," I chide myself harshly, blinking away wrought emotions and quelling stirs that should arise.

6 years - How it has rattled my Life

And whittled me to this frail frame.

As if on cue, Life takes the mickey out of Me,

For this very day marks His Birthday.

Coincidence is certainly no stranger to Me. And in tow, in good company, is Irony.

A Battle Won.

2011-04-09T02:44:00.005+08:00

::Photograph © Mich::

Where have I been in the last couple of days?

Well, in a matter of just 4 days, Life has done an about-turn.

On Tuesday afternoon, I was crumbling. Physically, I was in tatters and clinging onto Fear. Emotionally drained, I struggled to keep afloat.

By Tuesday evening, a miracle had happened. Imagine having beaten the odds and expediting an issue in a span of TWO days when you were told minutes ago that it would take at least FOUR WEEKS.

Yesterday, I knew I was in good hands.

I don't deserve it but God has been merciful to me. I'm truly Blessed. Who else could have their lives completely changed in a matter of days? I owe it all to God.

Every step of my Life that I take is hinged on the word of God.

Sometimes, it may not be what I want. Occasionally, I'd argue that the circumstances are in my favour, so why should I let it pass? Yet, ultimately, I'd submit to God's word regardless of how I feel.

It is not easy. It is an exercise of Faith and Obedience, much like a child would submit to the authority of his father.

Over the course of two weeks, my Life has undergone turmoil, stress and pain.

By yesterday, I knew that the raging storm had passed.

It was no coincidence that Zephaniah 3 was my Biblical passage of the day.

15 The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. 16 On that day they will say to Jerusalem, “Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. 17 The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. 18 “The sorrows for the appointed feasts I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you. 19 At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame. 20 At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes,” says the LORD.
It is crucial to note that 'restore your fortunes' is not to be taken in the literal sense. It is the restoration of BLESSINGS that no amount of money in the world can buy - of peace, love, joy and hope. It is an ASSURANCE, a promise of things to come.

And that, is the best gift that one can have.

I know that it will come across as being hyperbolic or gibberish to non-believers.

But much like a rollercoaster ride or a dive into the ocean, it is hard to reiterate the exhilaration and adrenalin rush in mere words.

You'll have to experience it for yourself before the context registers any significant meaning and impact.

I have experienced God's Love and the circumstances have been in my favour not through sheer luck nor coincidence, but through God's intervention.

I've crossed the mountains. Now, I've lil streams to pass.

And I have no fear, because I know that God is Here.

God is very real to me,

Because when things appear to be impossible,

God gives Life a little nudge and whispers, "I M POSSIBLE".

6 Billion = Zero

2011-04-05T14:03:00.003+08:00

In this world of 6 billion,

It is possible to be Alone.

Isn't it ironic?

Got a problem? Need some help?

Sorry, you're Alone.

Everyone's busy with their cars, homes and oh, life.

What good does it do to share with someone

When it is still your yoke & burden to bear?

I have taken leave, disrupted my work, scurried in the middle of the night, given money & offered shelter to friends in need over my short course of life.

Who would do that for me? Nobody in Singapore, I'm afraid.

Only Sally would be as idealistic & loyal.

And she's in Sydney, so there's no point in telling her anything because it's not fair that she grabs a flight to Singapore just for my sake.

Acquaintances aplenty,

Facebook associates a bunch,

Friends a sprinkle,

Confidantes?

None.

Faith, Not Fear.

2011-04-05T06:34:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

In faith, I humble myself & ask for Your mercy & grace.

Sustain me, God.

I present my frail & broken frame to You.

With these shards & splinters,

Take everything & make it whole again.

Make it wholly Thine.

Only You, God, can and WILL work miracles.

I'm a living testimony of Your Goodness & Grace, having beaten all the odds physically & mentally.

I know & believe that this is no exception, God.

I've been blessed when it truly mattered, Father.

Let it be Right.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

哭 • 苦 ∙ 枯

2011-04-05T05:18:00.003+08:00

含着泪入睡。

A Date To Remember.

2011-04-04T05:52:00.002+08:00

April 1, 2011 -

Seared in my memory.

For all that it symbolizes.

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours...

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You

[ Don Moen ]

20 Minutes.

2011-04-04T04:43:00.009+08:00

Photograph © Mich
April 1, 4.30pm - 4.50pm

Darkness loomed as she stood by the window and craned her neck to watch the clouds scurry by.

Ruminating woefully, she choked, "What do I do now, God? Show me. Help."

In that instant, a strange glow rested upon the land before her.

It appeared that the sun had forcibly elbowed past the grey clouds and ripped the overcast sky apart.

Sunrays darted right above her. As they did so, the threatening flock dissipated.

Vermillion spills clamoured for victory as the land was now cloaked in their opulence.

She knew what it meant. It was no coincidence.

God had spoken.

Then, her eyes fell upon the pages of Hebrews 11 in the Bible.

A singular syllable resonated - FAITH. (27 times, to be exact)
1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for. 3 By faith, we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4 By faith, Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead. 5 By faith, Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6 And without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. 7 By faith, Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith. 8 By faith, Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith, he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore. 13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. 17 By faith, Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” 19 Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death. 20 By faith, Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future. 21 By faith, Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff. 22 By faith, Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones. 23 By faith, Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict. 24 By faith, Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel. 29 By faith, the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned. 30 By faith, the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days. 31 By faith, the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. 32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground. 39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
And she knew that everything would fall in place.

In its time. In God's time.

Let Go. Let God.

And so, she did.

The World Through My Eyes...

2011-04-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

... is a radial blur.

I'm in a lot of pain, literally & figuratively.

The greatest agony is the searing throb which manifests in congruence with my uncontrollable sobs.

This is how the cookie crumbles.

My Life, as it is, may very well be over.

April 1st.

2011-04-01T05:40:00.005+08:00

Oh, it's April Fools'!

When the first day of April beckons,

And the Fool knuckles the keyboard.

Self-deprecating humour is something that I'm good at.

The thing is, I'm not laughing.

Zing!

Measuring Happiness With Loins.

2011-04-01T05:19:00.004+08:00

Have you noticed that dressy people are Miserable while Happy people are comfortable with their loins?

Looking at my wardrobe (and my previous post), I guess this is true.

After all, I am conscious that clothes are my chosen drapes to conceal deep hurts.

'Hey, nice dress/bag/shoes/whathaveyous!' are compliments that I get frequently.

They make me smile, if only for a while.

For smiles are a rarity when you're Me.

It doesn't stem from the notion of having caught someone's eye with my frivolous choices or that I'm eager to lap up the attention.

Rather, it cements the fact that, at the very least, I've done something right in my life, even if it's down to a pair of shoes or a dress.

I know.

I've quirky thoughts and associations.

But that's me -

Me-Shell.

Some Semblance of Normalcy.

2011-04-01T04:41:00.005+08:00

Bagged the accompanying dresses in this post from one of my fave American brands.

All in the comfort of my home. At 4am.

Online shopping is limited to 3 international brands which are also available in Singapore. Therefore, familiarity and quality are assured. (I do not advocate purchasing from local blogshops.)

I'm not exactly in the frivolous mood for shopping but I guess it's my way of self-distraction and perhaps, a means of coping by engaging in a routine for some semblance of normalcy.

Apologies for the verbosity. I tend to ramble.

Anyhow, here are my purchases.

My collages are pretty spiffy too, eh? *slight smile*

Coping.

2011-03-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

I cope by burrowing -

Deep into the Unseen.

I throw on the covers,

Bolt the door

And shut my ears.

There, I remain still, with breathing as the only necessary kinetic form.

The minutes pass.

Then hours slip by,

And soon, morning is nigh.

A day passes and then another.

Time waits for no man, and certainly not for me.

Out of sight & out of mind, I need no intruders.

This is where I'm safe.

Piling the pickets keep me safe.

In isolation.

Alone.

An Amazing Specialist - Dr Y.

2011-03-29T00:22:00.005+08:00

As one of the leading opthalmologists in Singapore, Dr Y is renowned in his field of expertise. As luck would have it, he also happens to be real chummy with my uncle. Hence, I was able to see him at 5pm without waiting for a scheduled appointment. (I'd called at 3pm and the first available slot was slated for Friday. When I mentioned my uncle's name, I was told that I could come at 4.30pm. A lil triumph there!)

Void of the cold, clinical setting that one would expect from a hoity-toity location, his clinic was filled with laughter. There was an air of genuine warmth and happiness.

As you can see from the above, Dr Y is a Christian and I was stepping foot into a Christian-based specialist clinic. Hence, any apprehension that I had felt in the ascending lift dissipated as Dr Y was gentle, warm and thorough in his examination. Unlike my previous experiences with eye infections, I was not there for this reason. It was an alien condition and certainly, it had me scampering to a specialist for good measure. Thankfully, there was no nerve damage and my vision was unaffected.

Amounting to $276, the charges consisted of the following :
- Consultation $125
- Eye pressure test $50
- Eye nerve test $50
- Eye Test
- Medicine (eyedrops, oral medication)

I consider this to be relatively cheap as one would fork out $85 for consultation at the National Eye Centre. $125 had yielded a 1-hour consultation with a leading specialist in my case and we know that in Singapore, opthalmologists don't come cheap. Perhaps I was fortunate to be given a special rate since he was my uncle's close friend.

I've scheduled the next appointment to be on 18 April.

Erstwhile, I'm blessed to be unscathed despite everything.

Really.

Thank You, God. I don't deserve to be blessed in this way but You've extended Your Grace to me. Amen.

For You.

2011-03-28T14:07:00.002+08:00

Dear You,

I may never see You again.

I would love to see You but if You were to see me now, it will not be a face that you recognize.

Dear You, if I should never see You again, know that I love You.

I always have.

I want You to remember me as the one who laughed at your jokes, the one who twinkled when You smiled.

That is why I do not wish for You to see me as I am right now.

Remember Pretty Lil Kitten.

10.00 am - 12 pm

2011-03-28T01:38:00.004+08:00

Church melodies were conspicuously absent from this particular Sunday morning.

Of course they were, for her feet had yielded a destination away from church.

Silence permeated the room. His eyes were filled with sorrow as they registered her frail frame.

With a sigh, he articulated, "You're very noble. I admire you for putting ___ first despite ____. I'm talking to you not in the capacity of my position but as a fellow human being. You're a fantastic woman. I respect you for putting up with so much."

She smiled sadly and slid on her shades.

"All I want is to be Happy."

A tear fell.

He nodded gravely, "Think of yourself. You deserve better."

With that, she signed the document and left.

Something.

2011-03-27T04:28:00.002+08:00

Something's just happened.

Please do not trivalise it because it isn't.

But I can't write about it here.

You'll be shocked and aghast if you knew.

Dear You, I'm sorry I cannot meet You within the next two weeks. I'm not in a state to be seen. I would love to see You. It's what I'd been waiting for. I've missed You. Give me time. All I need is two weeks. Don't fade, please?

To my dearest Friends who care, I'm not in a good state now. But I will be. As always. Give me time too, my Friends. I'm sorry that I will have to absent myself from D's event. It is not by choice. I promise to make it up to her.

Dear God, I've put up when it rained, gritted when it poured and conscientiously kept it afloat.

But now, dear God, the entire thing is in shreds.

I've considered throwing in the towel.

Friend B says I'm silly, because I'm still putting others before myself despite Tonight. "If You keep thinking about others, when will it get to You? When will You matter to yourself?"

-ShRuGs-

Of Hopes And Dreams.

2011-03-23T01:33:00.002+08:00

In my hands are two Wishes which sleet through my being.

Wish #2

Such is my passion for this that the clunky pronouncements have yet to thwart my plans completely.

It is my THIRD attempt.

The string of reassuring rhythms has revived the notion - dormant since the last stumble - that success is within reach.

Amid the pace and breadth of what is to come, Hope rises to the occasion.

For the Greater Good.

Hope hastens to This Purpose. =)

Wish #1

The frail rose wilts in these hairline cracks.

Gently, a figure caresses its soft petals.

A trickle falls and disappears into the bud.

Scars run along and take liberties with the embedded flesh.

She dreams of twirling the rose in her hand.

Its thorns remain foreboding.

She clutches and searing pain follows, naturally.

But, the rose is in full bloom -

Her eyes sparkle at this very thought.

Then, she hesitates.

For would the rose thrive in her hands?

Would its thorns leave her in tatters once again?

She knows not.

Erstwhile, she glances at the rose and smiles ruefully.

Astern.

2011-03-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

No.

I shouldn't.

Voices.

2011-03-22T13:16:00.003+08:00

Given an academic test, I'd be able to ace it.

But this isn't one, is it?

Second-guessing always results in me thinking that You think in a certain vein and You think that I think along that line too, when neither of us wields that thought but we are convinced the other party is. So, with nary a word uttered, we decide that it's Right when in reality, it's Wrong.

If only each Thought had a voice.

And if only that Voice could be heard.

Turmoil.

2011-03-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

A part of me would like to take a leap.

Yet, another portion of my amygdala cautions against wielding too much Hope.

Without Expectations, there can be no Disappointment.

But then again, that's the very stuff that Dreams are made of, isn't it?

What are Dreams, if they're not hinged on Hope?

What is Life, if it's void of Dreams?

I Dream.

I Hope.

I Wish.

But would it be Wishful Thinking?

Would it dissipate into Hurt yet again?

I'd given up The Boy in The Past & fled when He pursued. I'd teared when The Boy drifted away into oblivion and cheered when he returned.

I don't know what to make of recent events & surprises by The Boy.

I Wish and yet, I fear having this wish, choosing at times to dismiss it as my own sheer folly for harbouring such thoughts.

I've not given up on The Boy,

But has The Boy given up on Me?

Make A Wish.

2011-03-21T15:12:00.002+08:00

Don't blow the candles out on me,

For they glimmer & put the sparkle in my eyes.

Allow me to come a lil closer

And bask in that which delights.

As If On Cue.

2011-03-21T01:25:00.002+08:00

"I think you're running. And what I can't figure out is, are you running towards something you want? Or are you running away from something you're afraid to want?" [Maid in Manhattan]

And just then, that which was in my hand glowed.

It was You. =)

Update #4 : Respect.

2011-03-20T02:23:00.004+08:00

To : The Crew at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station

Regardless of the outcome, thank you for the sacrifice and courage.

You've stepped forward so that others may continue to live with their families and friends.

I may never know your names nor meet you, but I am grateful.

God Bless You.

From : Mich

[1] International Herald Tribune (17 March 2011)

[2] Reuters (20 March 2011)

TOKYO, March 20 (Reuters) - Engineers enjoyed some success in their mission to stop disaster at Japan's tsunami-damaged power plant, though evidence of small radiation leaks highlighted perils from the world's worst nuclear crisis since Chernobyl 25 years ago.

Three hundred technicians have been battling inside a danger zone to salvage the six-reactor Fukushima plant since it was hit by an earthquake and tsunami that also killed 7,508 people and left 11,700 more missing in northeast Japan.

The unprecedented multiple crisis will cost the world's third largest economy nearly $200 billion in Japan's biggest reconstruction push since post-World War II. It has also set back nuclear power plans the world over.

Encouragingly for Japanese transfixed on the work at Fukushima, the situation at the most critical reactor -- No. 3 which contains highly toxic plutonium -- appeared to come back from the brink after fire trucks doused it for hours. Work also advanced on bringing power back to water pumps used to cool overheating nuclear fuel.

Traces exceeding national safety standards were, though found in milk from a farm about 30 km (18 miles) from the plant and spinach grown in neighbouring Ibaraki prefecture.

Tiny levels of radioactive iodine have also been found in tap water in Tokyo, one of the world's largest cities about 240 km (150 miles) to south. Many tourists and expatriates have already left and residents are generally staying indoors. The sample contained 1.5 becquerals per kg of iodine 131, well below the tolerable limit for food and drink of 300 becquerals per kg, the government said. Japan said the traces so far found posed no risks.

Yet U.N. atomic watchdog the International Atomic Energy Agency said Japan was considering whether to halt all food product sales from Fukushima prefecture. The first discovery of contaminated food since the March 11 disaster is likely to heighten scrutiny of Japanese food exports, especially in Asia, their biggest market.

About 257,000 households in the north still have no electricity and at least one million lack running water.

In the face of mounting criticism, plant operator TEPCO's president issued a public apology for "causing such great concern and nuisance".

Gurgles.

2011-03-17T03:17:00.002+08:00

The Future hinges on The Past.

The Past creaks in congruence.

Foreshadowing The Past is The Future had it been The Past.

That said, The Future transpires as The Past whilst The Past veers towards The Future.

Would The Past be The Future?

=)

A Jumble Of Sorts.

2011-03-17T02:02:00.002+08:00

GGSZ.

WHAN, YWNYAW. :)

WDNHL.

HQDNZKJN.

WA, WDAR. :)

Acronyms that make no sense to anyone but me.

22 Hours.

2011-03-16T06:19:00.003+08:00

22 hours prop themselves on my eyelids, their gravity assured by the occasional sleight of lashes.

I struggle to stay awake, though sleep must I.

I have no reason to be awake, yet I am.

The amygdala registers familiarity.

It drifts into the unknown,

And all is at rest.

Rolling With It.

2011-03-15T12:08:00.003+08:00

My world just got a lil smaller.

Coincidences are rife indeed.

What are the odds?

Literally 0.05%.

And yet, it did.

Someone, hand me a couple of dice.

I'm on a roll.

Hushed.

2011-03-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

Hello, You.

Be Safe. =)

Love, Me.

Update #3 : Live from CNN

2011-03-15T00:22:00.002+08:00

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched a white car speed away from the approaching wave of mud, debris and water. I hope the driver made it in time.

Live footage of an earthquake -
The ground cracked and water gushed from the ground.
Pieces of land bobbed up and down like life buoys.
It's all too surreal.

God bless the souls of the Lost, the Living and the Missing.

Update #2 : Góógle Person Finder.

2011-03-15T00:04:00.004+08:00

Góógle has launched People Finder to track missing people in Japan.

Please do not abuse this application as exemplified here.

If you're looking for a missing loved one, I pray that good news will come your way.

Contemplation.

2011-03-14T04:52:00.004+08:00

"What happened in the past that was painful
has a great deal to do with what we are today "
[ William Glasser ]

How familiar.

Update #1

2011-03-14T04:27:00.002+08:00

The Good
• Cousin is safe in Yokohama.
• Cousin-in-law made it back on foot from central Tokyo.

The Bad
• Lack of water & electricity.
• In parts of Japan, bread is sold out.
• Cousin is prone to respiratory sicknesses. The average temperature at night is currently 7 degrees Celsius.
• With the nuclear threat looming, evacuation is nigh.
• For some reason (and our source of exasperation), Cousin is choosing to stay put in Japan when common sense says otherwise. Cousin-in-law hails from one of Yokohama's wealthy families and is the director of a conglomerate. It is for this reason that they are choosing to remain in Japan.
• An aftershock of magnitude 7 is expected in the days to come.

Come Home, Cousin.
We're very worried about you.
You need to be alive before you can salvage the family's wealth.
All the money in the world cannot buy your lives.

Dear God, please guide them wisely back to Singapore.

Still Smiling.

2011-03-13T02:55:00.005+08:00

A lil flutter. =)

Let's Start From Here.

2011-03-13T02:15:00.004+08:00

..Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word, don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone,I felt you everywhere

Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don't think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

[ Joanna Wang - Let's Start From Here ]

=)

2011-03-12T04:15:00.002+08:00

On a completely different note,
=)

Of Cracks And More.

2011-03-12T03:19:00.007+08:00

╫ 2pm ╫

B was about to knock off from work at Es-Pea-Age (read that aloud to register some semblance of logic).

And there was I, between lessons and jesting about with B.

Suddenly, B scrawled the two dreaded words, "Japan. Earthquake."

At the newsdesk, B scurried to dish out media reports and I was receiving real-time information from him.

It was surreal.

A flurry of calls was made to my cousin, who resides in Tokyo / Yokohama (depending on the day / time) but each effort was met with a Japanese automated greeting. Being diverted to my cousin's voicemail ensued till evening.

╫ 6pm ╫

Finally, a crackle that resembled a ringtone pierced the silence and ever faintly, I could make out my cousin's voice. She was safe! Her area had been hit and devastation was inevitable. It was the first time that the thought of losing my closest cousin even occurred to me.

╫ 3am ╫

She is awaiting evacuation and may return to Singapore once flights are available. ~~Rumours of a nuclear emergency are strife.~~ A nuclear emergency has been declared in Japan. It doesn't help that conflicting reports have joined the fray. Make sense of the following, if you will -
(1) The magnitude 8.9 or 8.8 earthquake that struck northeast Japan at 2:46pm local time Friday has forced the evacuation of thousands from a three-kilometer radius of a nuclear power plant following a failure in its cooling system, leading to the threat of a fuel-rod meltdown that has yet to be fully mitigated.

(2) METI did not specifically mention which four plants those were, but a later Juji Press report said that in the Fukushima No. 1 plant's No.2 reactor, which had been shut down, water levels had dropped, "posing a threat of a radiation leak," and that the local governement had urged residents within a two-kilometer radius to evacuate immediately.

A third Juji Press report extended that evacuation radius to three kilometers, and noted that Yukio Edano, Japan's Chief Cabinet Secretary – a position that includes press-secretary duties – had urged the 5,862 affected residents to remain calm.

The government also instructed the 45,345 residents within a 10-kilometer radius of the plant to remain in their homes, despite the fact that no radiaton leak had yet been detected.

(3) According to Reuters, a spokesman for the World Nuclear Association – a nuclear industry trade group – told them that "We understand this situation is under control," after a battery-powered backup system was brought online and began pumping cooling water back into the affected reactor.

(4) A source familiar with battery-power backup cooling systems, however, told the NYT that such systems typically have enough juice for only about four hours of operation. Should a consistent source of power not be restored by that point, the cooling water would boil away, and a fuel-rod meltdown would likely occur.

(5) In perhaps the oddest detail in this still-developing story, the NYT also reported that "United States Air Force planes based in Japan delivered emergency coolant to the plant, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said."

[ Source : theregister.co.uk ]
Dear God, please keep Cousin safe.
We grew up in the same house. We ate, laughed, fought and played together till she married S and moved to Japan. She's one of the only two cousins I have on my maternal side. Please guide her footsteps and may she return safely to Singapore if possible. Amen.

781. The Day Is Done.

2011-03-09T04:41:00.003+08:00

THE DAY is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes o’er me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life’s endless toil and endeavour;
And tonight I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labor,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

Source : The Harvard Classics

50. What Is Our Life

2011-03-09T04:34:00.002+08:00

WHAT is our life? The play of passion.
Our mirth? The music of division:
Our mothers’ wombs the tiring-houses be,
Where we are dressed for life’s short comedy.
The earth the stage; Heaven the spectator is,
Who sits and views whosoe’er doth act amiss.
The graves which hide us from the scorching sun
Are like drawn curtains when the play is done.
Thus playing post we to our latest rest,
And then we die in earnest, not in jest.

- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552–1618)

Source: The Harvard Classics

Hope.

2011-03-09T04:06:00.001+08:00

Ever faintly, she clutches at Hope.

Along.

2011-03-09T03:42:00.003+08:00

I long to lay down.
I long to rest.
I long for Life
To end this test.

Fool's Scab

2011-03-09T02:56:00.003+08:00

Stationery.

Stationary.

Rip.

Scribble.

Inertia.

Crush.

Toss.

It is but a fool's scab.

I Dreamt Of You. Again.

2011-03-09T02:15:00.004+08:00

Once again,

Convoluted imaginings drifted off to You.

I fled from You but Your grip on my arm was firm.

"Why do you keep running away from me?" There was a tinge of hurt in your voice.

"I...I'm scared that reality will trample upon my dreams and all I'd have are mere shreds," I whispered.

Weeping, I awoke to find my pillow soaked.

Plangency.

2011-03-08T03:40:00.001+08:00

Remembrance of things past
is not necessarily
the remembrance of things as they were.

— Marcel Proust