No Mood for a Title

I'm not in a mood to blog now.However,I've nothing to do anyway, so I'll just sit here and type away relentlessly, numb to my thoughts and for once, without any editing, save for any errors in spelling.

I cried today. It has been so long since tears have last trickled, into my carbonara pasta, no less. In the comfort of my home, away from the prying eyes of the public who do not know you and yet judge your moments of follies, I cried.

LOSER> The very word I loathe to hear, the very entity I'm most afraid to become. Right now, I am a perfect embodiment of one. At this instant, I feel like a total dork, a misfit, a reject. What's the irony in this? My initial happiness has caused my misery. Talk about cause and effect.

The happier I am, the more miserable I feel. Heightened levels of delight only serve as a reminder that one day, all these will be taken away from me. Zero. Nought. Finito. It will come to pass. Positives are only transient in my life, nothing but shadows which diminish over time. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Wrought in my emotions, there was nothing I could do but allow my tears to flow. Crying is a form of weakness. I have shown weakness. Priding myself as a pillar of strength, I've crumbled today. Rarely have I even displayed a sad face to any peer, constantly choosing to portray a cheerful disposition instead. It's this pressure to upkeep that sprightly spirit that contributes to the overwhelming web of emotions.

Right now, an old song comes to mind although the context of the rest of the song is irrelevant:
Can you help me, I'm bent?
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together.... [Matchbox Twenty - Bent ]

I'm tired. I shall take a nap now and wake up to find that everything hasn't changed.