Amazing.

Baby, I'm Amazed By You. =)

In A While.

夜长梦多.

Tulles.

Every now and then, I allow myself a little cry.

It washes away my innate sorrow and realigns my state of being.

This manifests as I flagrantly disregard the whirrs around me.

I had a dream today.
It was my birthday and guests flocked onto the yacht for this celebratory moment. In my wedding dress, I scanned the crowd for a singular face. I found You. We spent time together. Sunset beckoned and the day drew to a close. When I awoke, You were gone. The context of my dreams is consistently congruent with what I've been repressing all these years. (Aside : Ha! Some alliteration, eh?) 

I want to start over. I really do. 

I've become painfully introverted, a far cry from what I used to be.

But how do I? When.....there's You?

'I wanna grow old with You.
I wanna die lying in your arms.'

My Past - Has It Passed?

"Do not let your past hinder your walk with God."

While these words were pounded into my subconscious by Ps D. F00, she appeared as if on cue. Thereafter, (yet another) she melded my innate gnashes, drowning out D's voice and averted my attention, if only for a while.

The Place has come to be synonymous with Pain & Grief as familial (and familiar) notions grate and flesh before my eyes.

It wasn't like this before, well, that.

I used to participate in plays, performances, Bible quizzes, camps and what-have-yous. Well, sometimes I'd even anticipate my victory way before the results (after sussing out the identities of the judges....Heh..) Vivacious and spritely, I was zealous and passionate. I was the star of The Place, the apple of every teacher's eye.

Adulthood arrived and this fervour soon took a dip. It waned, if ever so slightly. Participation was, however, prosaic. I had become The Spectator.

This Spectator watched and One caught her eye. Had she known how each random, cursory glance would have determined the future, she would have fixed her gaze on the cold, stony tiles. Certainly, they would have not stirred the frailty which was her heart. It would not have led to entwined paths.

In recent years, she's been told that her "countenance has dimmed", her "sparkle has waned" and other vocalisations of what others deemed to be her sadness.

I do wish to be That Little Child again - the one with a cheeky twinkle in her eye, the one who would spontaneously volunteer for every activity, the one with the great desire to please You, God.

I was once voted Outstanding Sunday School student every single year, Lord.

Make me Outstanding in Your eyes, again.

Take away the Pain that has come to grip me whenever the images of those register in my faculty of mind at The Place.

Because Everybody knows Everyone, I've become accustomed to fleeing once the gong strikes and blending into the background lest It comes to light.

I'm hanging up my running shoes, God.

Let me take flight.

Guide me on angels' wings.

Find rest, my soul.

Little Drops of Water Make A Mighty Ocean.

1 Week : $450
1 Month : $1800
1 Year : $21600
5 Years : $108 000

Start Saving!

Present Tense.

Present Tense.

A Slate of Grey.

Disillusionment sets in when one is devoid of emotion.

Within this barren enclave, there is nary a stir.

Depleted of involuntary flutters, skips, scuttles and such, it is a repository at best -

A spectre of sorts, to say the least.

Pathos embellishes and dresses to leave in haste.

Intensity gives way to gurgles and then, the contents of inertia pleasantly jingle.

26.02.12.

Happy Birthday, Daniel. =)

Jerich0.

The past draws to a close, save for that singular late night.

I'd laid my cards then,

And it matters not if I was on a winning streak, had chosen to pass despite wielding the upper hand or was heading towards a downfall.

I've done it.

I've (almost) said it.

Good job, Mich.

You're almost there.

Break Free.

Tear down the walls of Jerich0*. =)

===============================

*Jerich0 : A city of Biblical significance where J0shua led the Israelites to freedom from their bondage with the Egyptians. The walls of Jerich0 fell and the city was destroyed but Rahab's home was miraculously spared.

Click the following links to read :

(1) The Battle of Jerich0

(2) Its Historical Evidence

Adrift.

I don't know why I did that.

At that instant, a sparkle lit my eyes and I was Happy.

Perhaps it was the significance of ____.

Closure is what I seek, but I suppose it will remain adrift.

If it's better this way, let it be.

May It....

Be a sweet, sweet song
In my ear. =)

Va|entine's @ Ritz Car|ton.

For more pics, kindly refer to my Facebook album.
Apologies to the random reader. The aforementioned album is accessible to friends only. Here are some photos for you, Dear Reader. =)

Goodbye!

It's Complicated.

:)
:D
:P~~

:(
T.T
:/
:S

.
.
.

Don't You Remember?

Adele's 21 is poised to snag Best A|bum at The Gr@mmy's -

A well-deserved nod to the one who encapsulates all my sadness in 4 minutes with Don't You Remember?.

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, none a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any sins,
I had no idea of the state we were in.

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember
The reason you loved me before?
Baby, please remember me once more.

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know.

But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more.

Gave you space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me.

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

2.

February fortnights.

They'll never be the same.

March on.

3331.

These wisps -

They bear the mark of time.

8 years.

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Coz I've built my life around you.
But time gets bolder.
Even children get older.
And I'm getting older too.
Change transpired as I distanced myself. Because It was going nowhere.

Those were the days when I was truly Happy.

Ah, yes, I'm getting older too.

Excuse Me.

If only.

Only if.

If.

Only.

I would.

Wither Me.

I think I may be Sick.

There's bleeding and unusual circumstances.

Nobody knows of these, not even those who are closest to me.

If anything, I'll just wither and Die.

Life bears little meaning for me.

Dear God, cradle me in Your arms -

That's all that I need.

Troves in Droves.

Selfishness & Greed - how people are susceptible to such clutches.

The more one clamours, the less one gets.

Paddling furiously gets one nowhere if it is anchored in Greed.

Here's how to have your cake and eat it -

Be selfish & keep that Greed all to yourself.

I don't want any of it. Not at all.

The Vicious Circle.

Each time I'm a tad Happy or at peace with myself, this is quickly negated with subsequent wrenches.

Fingering the logbook of moods & events, this has been true since 2005.

It has culminated in a Fear of being Happy.

The higher I scale the wall of Happiness, the harder its accompanying fall.

It leaves me Flummoxed.

Perhaps there will be answers Tomorrow,

At the place where Joy & Sorrow dwell.

The Waiting Game.

Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus? Donde esta Santa Claus? And the toys that he will leave. Mamacita, oh, where is Santa Claus? I look for him because it's Christmas Eve....

Oh, pardon me.

11 January 2012 beckons at the break of dawn.

Purchases from the USA have yet to arrive and its accompanying lull exerts anxiety on one's faculties.

A combined total of $500+ had been plonked in November 2011, with nary a trace thus far.

Soon, the bells will toll for the Lunar New Year - talk about spanning across the seasons!

Ding!

Taken for a Ride...in a Cab.

This cab was plugged into the likes of jazz and its accompanying throes. It packed a wallop in the residue. Was it not apt? Verily so, I'm afraid.

Walk away, please go
Before you throw your life away,
A life that I could share for just a day.

We should have met,
Some years ago.
For your sake, I'd say,
Walk away-
Just go.

Walk away and live,
A life that's full.
With no regret,
Don't look back at me
Just try to forget.

Why build a dream that cannot come true?
So be strong, reach the stars now,
Walk away-
Walk on.

If I heard your voice,
I'd beg you to stay.
So don't say a word,
Just run, run away.

Goodbye my love,
My tears will fall now that you're gone.
I can't help but cry
But I must go on.

I'm sad that I,
After searching so long
Knew I loved you but told you
Walk away-
Walk on.

[ Pe+er Gran+ - Wa|k Away ]

God's Answer.

Turning to the Bible, this was what I saw in Jeremiah 12, aptly titled 'God's Answer' in bold.

GOD''S ANSWER
5 “If you have raced with men on foot,
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country,
how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

6 My inheritance has become to me
like a lion in the forest.
She roars at me;
therefore I hate her.

7 Has not my inheritance become to me
like a speckled bird of prey
that other birds of prey surround and attack?
Go and gather all the wild beasts;
bring them to devour.

13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the Lord's fierce anger.”

14 This is what the Lord says:
“As for all my wicked neighbors who seize the inheritance I gave my people Israel,
I will uproot them from their lands
and I will uproot the house of Judah from among them.

15 But after I uproot them,
I will again have compassion
and will bring each of them back
to his own inheritance and his own country.

16 And if they learn well the ways of my people... saying,
‘As surely as the Lord lives’
—even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal—
then they will be established among my people.

17 But if any nation does not listen,
I will completely uproot and destroy it,” declares the Lord.

This inheritance that awaits me - its artifice chokes as greed from the Onlooker wears my patience thin.

Money cannot buy Happiness.

Like God has said, it has become a snare and I, a bird of prey.

Repent, Onlooker(s).

Depend on nobody but yourself. God has gifted me with what I do best & that will be the area in which I effect change in lives.

Do what is Good & Right. Be honest & uphold Righteousness.

As for the monetary aspects, I will use what I have to help the Poor.

That would be right in God's sight.

Clink, Clunk, Chockful Chunk!

How long will the land lie parched
and the grass in every field be withered?

There are only two reasons I am still alive :
1) It is a sin to kill oneself.
2) Mum.

When the day comes that Mum sheds the skin of this world, would I still be able to struggle & stay alive?

Money in abundance - through sheer hard work, through an inheritance - would it justify survival?

Shall we attribute it to a mood swing or an anxiety attack? No, my friend.

I conceal my secrets well & nobody but God knows all that I've suffered.

"But you've a good life. What do you have to complain about?"

Really? Because from what I know, people tend to say this because of the fancy car, posh district & epicurean indulgences

Is that all it takes for you to be Happy?

No, I don't miss You anymore. This entire post isn't about You. I don't wake up thinking of You any longer.

Is this Letting Go?

It was the one thing that gave me a lil Hope, amidst the darkness.

I don't know where this post is going nor its objective. It's a rant, I guess.

Dear God, I've tried my very best.

Sustain me, God.

I cannot go on in this life relying on pure carnal strength of my own,

For I have none left.

I don't know what to write anymore.

I'm Tired.

Apologies for this being the least coherent post thus far.

Hahahahahahahaha....

Laughter drowns out the stifled sobs.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guffaws spring into action & displace the wails.

Laughter's the best medicine, right?

So why - HA - do these - HA - afflictions - HA- persist?

Warning : The Following Post is Uncharacteristically Mich.

Day in and day out, all that's ever spouted is Money, Money, MONEY, M-O-N-E-Y.

It's not as if there isn't any - there's much to be thankful for;

It's not as if it cannot be raked - opportunities & blessings are rife.

More....MORE...M-O-R-E.....MMMMMMOOORRREEE!

GREED, that's what it's all about.

Pure, unadulterated GREED.

Is money that important?

Does it define a life?

Does it count for anything?

A million, then two, then three....when will it stop?

When will accumulation ever cease?

When will the consumerist addiction be abated?

NEVER.

Because Greed would not allow it.

It will NEVER be enough and your life will be a wisp of Nothing when the flame is snuffed.

• MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPPINESS •

GO.

If you don't know the circumstances, you are in no position to judge.

If you think it's all but a display of hyperboles, you haven't set foot on my path.

Stay where you are.

Go away.

Get lost.

Yes, this is the first time that I'm being rude & caustic in my blog.

Just shut up and GO.

I don't need more bitterness in my life.