Fragments of Me
I'm taking intentional steps. It's irrational but intentional, nonetheless. Right now, I'm just terribly, terribly upset and utterly miserable. Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed by a naive thought. It would be nice if everything were to be taken away with the wave of a magic wand or the Dream Fairy will flutter through the window and take all the emotional baggage away with her. Alas, those are tales meant to deceive children ignorant to the world outside their window.
How much longer can I keep things to myself? How much longer can I put up with this facade? How much longer can I pretend that I do not care? I wish someone had the answer. I wish I had the answer. I know God has the answer but He's not telling me. Yet.
My existence is marred with brokeness. "A broken spirit and a contrite heart. You will not despise. You will not despise....." Tell me why that made tears fall from my eyes. There's so much I wish I could keep and not let go of. I know what I would choose if I had a choice without repercussions. Am I not broken enough? Haven't I learnt many harsh lessons, many of which are irreversible?
I sigh and bury my head in despondence. I'm clutching on with fervent hope, with a desperate, silent plea. I want to delve in my world of escapism but reality forces me to look at it in the eye. Time is running out. I am afraid. The strong fortress has crumbled. I am not as indifferent as I appear to be. Neither am I as bubbly to the point of hogging the conversation at times. The real me is a silent shadow, hoping to remain in its comfort zone of insignificance. The only raw emotion I'm capable of honing is misery.
Adversity has taught me how to be a stronger person on the exterior and not to impose my sadness on others. It would be a selfish act to dampen someone's spirits. Peel away the layers and I'm still the wide-eyed vulnerable girl, tugging at someone's sleeve in a bid for some moments of attention.
Grow up, for crying out loud. I wish I could. Teach me how. Teach me how to forget all the bitterness and strife. Teach me how to forget the past. Teach me how to deal with the current situation. Teach me how to negate every doubt that fills my mind. Teach me. I will learn, only if you teach me how.
How much longer can I keep things to myself? How much longer can I put up with this facade? How much longer can I pretend that I do not care? I wish someone had the answer. I wish I had the answer. I know God has the answer but He's not telling me. Yet.
My existence is marred with brokeness. "A broken spirit and a contrite heart. You will not despise. You will not despise....." Tell me why that made tears fall from my eyes. There's so much I wish I could keep and not let go of. I know what I would choose if I had a choice without repercussions. Am I not broken enough? Haven't I learnt many harsh lessons, many of which are irreversible?
I sigh and bury my head in despondence. I'm clutching on with fervent hope, with a desperate, silent plea. I want to delve in my world of escapism but reality forces me to look at it in the eye. Time is running out. I am afraid. The strong fortress has crumbled. I am not as indifferent as I appear to be. Neither am I as bubbly to the point of hogging the conversation at times. The real me is a silent shadow, hoping to remain in its comfort zone of insignificance. The only raw emotion I'm capable of honing is misery.
Adversity has taught me how to be a stronger person on the exterior and not to impose my sadness on others. It would be a selfish act to dampen someone's spirits. Peel away the layers and I'm still the wide-eyed vulnerable girl, tugging at someone's sleeve in a bid for some moments of attention.
Grow up, for crying out loud. I wish I could. Teach me how. Teach me how to forget all the bitterness and strife. Teach me how to forget the past. Teach me how to deal with the current situation. Teach me how to negate every doubt that fills my mind. Teach me. I will learn, only if you teach me how.
posted by whimsical_fantasies at 1:04 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home