Ee's Operation: 7.30am

Ee's operation commences at 7.30am. We've got to be there by 6am. The doctor told us grimly that there is a slight chance of bleeding,infection or stroke. After the operation, Ee's got to be on dialysis. It may be permanent. It may be temporal. Ee's kidneys are not functioning well but the doctors persist on having the operation as her heart is in a more critical condition.

I've not been this scared for a long, long while.

Mum's the youngest of the lot in the family. Koo's the eldest. Their age gap is 16 years. Koo, Ee, Eddie (deceased), Small Ee, Lye, Mum. That's how they line up. Only Small Ee and Mum are married. The rest are single. Having lived across their residence all my life, my maternal side means a lot to me. The wide age gap between Koo and Mum means that my uncles and aunts are effectively the age of a typical grandparent.

Ee is 70 this year. Of the three (Girl, Boy and Me), I'm the pet in the entire household. Since young, I was lavished with presents and attention from this maternal side. My word is the final say in most cases. Ee dotes on me the most and yet now, there is nothing I can do to console & assure her. Ee whips up the best Peranakan dishes ever. Ee took me shopping when she could still walk. Now, Ee is lying in bed, helpless to her fate.

Six more hours before she is wheeled into the dreaded theatre. The crucial blimp on the monitor means so much to us now. I'm choking back my tears because I have to be strong. I cannot crumble when everyone has. Someone has to be firm.

I've witnessed the family members shuttling in and out of hospital at a tender age. I've witnessed the withering of my grandmother and Eddie till they breathed their last. I've never seen my grandfather for he'd passed away before Mum got married. I've been to hospitals more often than anyone at my age should. Life and death are a breath away.

I don't want to continue. God, please don't take Ee away from me. Not now.