= Tears On My Pillow =

If it weren't a sin to hasten one's passage to heaven, this blog would have ceased to exist tonight.

There are so many burning issues right now. I know I can set them right, with God's strength and mercy. While tears are familiar friends, tonight was different. They blurred my vision and waxed over my pain. Always a pillar of strength to others, who would know that behind these walls, behind the smiles, away from the cheerful disposition, I lie here - staring at the ceiling, wondering and pondering why things have spiralled out of control.

I don't want sympathy. I don't want empathy. Seriously, who would be able to fathom what I am going through right now? Niggling issues aside, given my reclusive nature, I won't divulge anything anyway.

A circle of irony.

I am so tired. I know I've said this before and "you" may roll "your" eyes for the umpteenth time, "There she goes again, whining away."

It's not a cry for attention. It's not a ruse to evoke pangs of compassion. Don't look at me with soft eyes. Don't sigh and furrow "your" brows.

There's a resting place but God doesn't want me there yet, apparently. I don't care what has happened and what mind-boggling games have been undertaken. Just let me lie on "your" shoulder in silence, as "your" sleeve soaks up my tears. "You" don't have to understand anything nor even grapple in the attempt to try and locate a starting point.

This is my constant prayer. Mich just wants to close her eyes one day, whenever that day may be, and hope that when her peepers flutter as she stirs, she'll be in the company of angels. Meanwhile, "you" are her angel, whoever "you" may be.