To Someone Out There

To Somebody Out There,

I don't know which stance to take. Pick one that is applicable.

1. If your intention was to pay me back in my own coin, you've been successful. For I have fallen and am thrown into disarray. I am jaded, blase to the antics that you've employed. If I had indeed hurt you, it was never my intention to. It may sound incredulous, but I did what I did because I had to and not out of choice. Was it your choice to drag me out into the deep jungle and leave me to mercies of the wild? Did you set up a trap to ensure that my injury would be ten-fold? I applaud you for you've achieved your target. Is this what you really want?
2. Have I been wrong about everything? Did I allow myself to be blinded by fantasy instead of reality? Have I made a mistake by drawing conclusions benchmarked against societal conventions? Was it a mere figment of my imagination, a wild thought fuelled by nothing substantial? Was my instinct wrong? Look me in the eye and tell me that I was wrong.
3. If I was right, and you did not set out to hurt me, then what is stopping you? I need to be told, not draw my own assumptions without verification. Let me know. You may not realise this, but I've waited a long time to know.

Whatever the answer is, Mich is depressed now. She's been waking in the middle of the night, pulling the covers over herself and stifling her incessant sobs. In the day, she cannot betray her emotions and has to blanket her tears with a stiff smile. At home, she forces herself to laugh and maintain her usual chatty demeanour. Amongst her friends, she cannot talk to anyone because they are not the root of the problem and past betrayal has taught her to be wary. The fortress that Mich has built over the years since 18 has crumbled again. There are days when she stares at the moving images on the television, but her mind wanders. At work, she's lost her zest for everything and keeps to herself lately.

Mich normally likes shopping and she would never turn down a friend who wants to be accompanied to a sale. Lately, she has turned down such requests on three occasions and would rather hole herself up at home. The ongoing post-christmas sales islandwide would normally entice Mich to spend to her heart's delight. Aside from the Mango sale, everything else has failed to turn her head.

Mich is too proud to tell anyone how she really feels inside. Her colleague was shocked when her tears fell silently at lunch yesterday. She had always been known to be a carefree and fun-loving person. Her colleague expressed genuine concern, but Mich could only shake her head and give a crooked smile. This was her best friend at work and yet, Mich couldn't bring herself to say anything.

Mich loves sitcoms like Everybody Loves Raymond, Fraisier, Seinfeld, Malcolm in the Middle, Friends or anything that is shown on Star World. Earlier, she had tried to watch a repeat episode of Friends but found herself tearing instead.

This is the real Mich. She is not as strong as perceived. She thought that she had been through the worst but apparently, she wasn't ready for this today.