Towards the Edge

"Count your blessings."

If the blessing were absent, would it constitute a curse?

If you've been running in circles in solitude, would your effort be slighted?

Ought you to rejoice at the splatter of blessings or bemoan that the trickle can be taken into account individually?

Lately, a dry spell has plagued my world. Clearly, I'm equipped with the knowledge that this can be attributed to my absence in church. I've been running - averting the acknowledgment of my guillt. Up till adulthood, I had been an active and passionate participant. Church camps, carolling, trips with cell group, Bible quizzes, performances, discipleship training courses, morning duty, et al. Been there, done that. I'd even considered full-time ministry for a while.

James, Doris, Tony, Choy Kum, Shee Cher, Peh Muay, Daniel Koh, Shirley, Chee Boon - teachers of the word who had high expectations of me to ascend over the years. The pedestal's forsakenl. Daniel Foo - the Man whose words I cling onto with every shred of awe, the sole person I'd turn to in times of brokeness, the only one whose directions I'd follow at the drop of a hat - now fall upon deaf ears.

" We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. "

(Isiah 53:9)

Where is that starry-eyed girl who once yearned to serve the Lord? Why has her heart gone cold? Come rain or shine, she'd never missed a single week ever since the church started functioning in 1987. Yet, she holds the calendar up and prevalent, stark voids stare in her face.

Where does my guilt stem from? Am I running because of It? Is it to avoid affiliation and affliction? Or has It taken precedence such that I have shelved church below It on the priority scale?

Incantations of artifice - am I the very hypocrite that I have come to loathe?

Knowledge. Its weeds choke.

The carnal opposes the spiritual. Contrary to popular belief, Knowledge is not tantamount to power. What matters most is the Response triggered.

Is it a Response when you leave things as they are? Can Nothing be considered an Action?

GOD’S WILL, GOD’S WAY

I came upon God in the woods today

He was walking as He passed my way

I asked Him if He could help me see

a way in thought to help set me free

He told me to watch the butterflies

they damage nothing and tell no lies

He told me to watch the trees bend in the breeze

see how they hurt no one when they bend as they please

You are, but You aren't.

God doesn't keep score. I do.

At the end of the day, the sum just doesn't tally.