Steps Retraced.

Hitting a raw nerve, this song had me sobbing uncontrollably.

It led me to memories of my father and the validation I sought from You in the void thereafter.

Do You know how important You were to me?

Unknown to You, I'd sacrificed much during this period. Smiles and giggles shrouded the turmoil known only to myself. It didn't mean that things weren't happening just because I didn't voice them. It didn't matter that some skimmed the surface and passed their judgements while others urged me to let it go. It didn't matter that people could not understand or were clouded by the frivolous issues I'd dished out to blanket the truth. I thought my safe haven was in You.

Then, it dropped.

I did not have my father's love.
Neither did I have Yours.

I will be silent, but it doesn't mean that I will forget.

Crying is an outpouring of helpless anguish, knowing that the source of pain will never know nor witness the flow of one's despair,thus filling the empty labyrinth within. -- Mich

Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me,
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
Coz I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama crying for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m praying for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream