Hi, This Is Me.
Opening up is the most arduous task you can ask of me. Even if you know me well enough to know a few secrets, there would invariably be a portion of me that remains jealously guarded - out of sight from prying eyes which have no business to be delving in my matters in the first place.
Still, there are times when I'd curl in a ball under the covers, feeling sorry for myself and wishing that the phone would ring so I could unleash what was pent-up to this random caller.
Sometimes, it does. Yet, instinct props the pickets up and detection of weakness is strictly forbidden. On the receiving end, the caller hears nothing but a chirpy voice peppered with giggles to mask any pain.
The following excerpt from HappyPepper expresses my innate thoughts and struggling issues :
"What did I learn from these precious lessons? I learned to keep all things important to me away from them. They never saw me play tennis, they never read any of my writings, and they never saw me in my high school play. But of course, all things fall over to other parts of our lives. I learned to keep all things precious to me away from anybody. I suppose that's why I am afraid of getting close to anyone. I am afraid that they'll find out that I'm not good enough."
"Everybody needs people but I have a stubborn independence that denies my need of help. It must stem from trying to console myself for the lack of company. I crave it, but it also threatens me. I don't want to need anybody. I don't want to depend on anybody. I just want to take care of my own. This causes me to shut people out, especially when I need them most. I am unwilling to become vulnerable to someone, because I don't want to give them the chance to hurt me. "
It takes a lot for me to trust Someone so it comes across as poetic injustice when the chosen person betrays this fundamental notion. As such, repeated scenarios with varying characters leave me wan, jaded and doubtfully questioning my sense of judgement, which apparently has misguided bearings.
So, the Hedgehog curls inwards yet again.
And that, is Me.
Now, what about You?
Still, there are times when I'd curl in a ball under the covers, feeling sorry for myself and wishing that the phone would ring so I could unleash what was pent-up to this random caller.
Sometimes, it does. Yet, instinct props the pickets up and detection of weakness is strictly forbidden. On the receiving end, the caller hears nothing but a chirpy voice peppered with giggles to mask any pain.
The following excerpt from HappyPepper expresses my innate thoughts and struggling issues :
"What did I learn from these precious lessons? I learned to keep all things important to me away from them. They never saw me play tennis, they never read any of my writings, and they never saw me in my high school play. But of course, all things fall over to other parts of our lives. I learned to keep all things precious to me away from anybody. I suppose that's why I am afraid of getting close to anyone. I am afraid that they'll find out that I'm not good enough."
"Everybody needs people but I have a stubborn independence that denies my need of help. It must stem from trying to console myself for the lack of company. I crave it, but it also threatens me. I don't want to need anybody. I don't want to depend on anybody. I just want to take care of my own. This causes me to shut people out, especially when I need them most. I am unwilling to become vulnerable to someone, because I don't want to give them the chance to hurt me. "
It takes a lot for me to trust Someone so it comes across as poetic injustice when the chosen person betrays this fundamental notion. As such, repeated scenarios with varying characters leave me wan, jaded and doubtfully questioning my sense of judgement, which apparently has misguided bearings.
So, the Hedgehog curls inwards yet again.
And that, is Me.
Now, what about You?
posted by whimsical_fantasies at 5:23 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home