This Conversation's About Me.

I cannot be taught.
I can only learn through stumbles and falls.
Fostering a festoon of belief is critical before I accept something wholly.

Experiential learning, if you'd like.

Such is my character. Flawed, I know.

5 years wrought grief before I'd realised that You are not my solution. Friends had advised, chided, warned and did all they could to turn me against You but what did they know? They were not me. And so, I'd sought self-inflicted pain by clinging onto You.

As mentioned, the trip to Europe had inflected a paradigm shift in my mindset. I am now free from the blistering yesterdays with You. Regrets with unnecessary agony and tears are a thing of the past. The only person who could convince me to fling off this gripping shroud was, well, Me.

How silly I had been to plunge into an abyss because of You.

That which plagues me is no longer You.

Nothing happens by chance.
Everything happens for a reason.

-- I am a firm advocate of this apothegm.

And I know that in time to come, perhaps yet another 5 years shall pass before I'll stir from My Nightmare. A long-drawn bone of contention, I may add.

It has been 11 years. What's another 5?

God has His will for us, but He also allows us to have free will.
The will to make choices.
And our lives are consequentially determined by these choices, be it an informed decision or an impulsive push of the button.

Dear God, be with me as You always have.
Amen.