My Past - Has It Passed?

"Do not let your past hinder your walk with God."

While these words were pounded into my subconscious by Ps D. F00, she appeared as if on cue. Thereafter, (yet another) she melded my innate gnashes, drowning out D's voice and averted my attention, if only for a while.

The Place has come to be synonymous with Pain & Grief as familial (and familiar) notions grate and flesh before my eyes.

It wasn't like this before, well, that.

I used to participate in plays, performances, Bible quizzes, camps and what-have-yous. Well, sometimes I'd even anticipate my victory way before the results (after sussing out the identities of the judges....Heh..) Vivacious and spritely, I was zealous and passionate. I was the star of The Place, the apple of every teacher's eye.

Adulthood arrived and this fervour soon took a dip. It waned, if ever so slightly. Participation was, however, prosaic. I had become The Spectator.

This Spectator watched and One caught her eye. Had she known how each random, cursory glance would have determined the future, she would have fixed her gaze on the cold, stony tiles. Certainly, they would have not stirred the frailty which was her heart. It would not have led to entwined paths.

In recent years, she's been told that her "countenance has dimmed", her "sparkle has waned" and other vocalisations of what others deemed to be her sadness.

I do wish to be That Little Child again - the one with a cheeky twinkle in her eye, the one who would spontaneously volunteer for every activity, the one with the great desire to please You, God.

I was once voted Outstanding Sunday School student every single year, Lord.

Make me Outstanding in Your eyes, again.

Take away the Pain that has come to grip me whenever the images of those register in my faculty of mind at The Place.

Because Everybody knows Everyone, I've become accustomed to fleeing once the gong strikes and blending into the background lest It comes to light.

I'm hanging up my running shoes, God.

Let me take flight.

Guide me on angels' wings.

Find rest, my soul.