<s>Refuge</s> Refugee

A haven in which I'd spent my childhood;

A place where I'd been a part of with lifelong friends -

It was my safe refuge;

Crummy emotions would dissipate once I'd spoken to DFoo, Aunty SC, CK or someone I'd trusted as they'd watched me grow.

That was then.

My refuge has become a place where words fail to traipse beyond the tip of my tongue.

From being the recipient of the annual Most Outstanding award, I've dwindled to registering barely an audible whisper at the place where my feet still struggle to stand.

When my eldest uncle passed on last year, echoes of "I didn't know you were his niece!" and "Oh! He's your uncle?!" were commonplace.

I'd tried so hard up till then to conceal my identity for Uncle was highly active and in charge of a ministry. I didn't want to draw attention to myself lest skeletons were dragged out of the closet, one that was fashioned on this very ground so many years ago.

A recent addition, SL was someone who appeared to be non-judgmental. "Perhaps..." I'd thought.

This notion was soon pulverised with the discovery that SL had been best friends with my youngest uncle since their halcyon days of youth.

So much for a glimmer, eh?

Then, there's the familial imprint which greets me. Naturally.

Each time my eyes fall upon the familial (and familiar) sight, my memory bank swells and turmoil follows thereafter. But all is calm on the surface; suppression becomes a convenient tool to avoid the implications should It come to light.

And as they fade in the distance, I inhale stoicism and exhale sadness before picking up my belongings and going about my way.