That Which I Do Not Understand.

A flurry of questions plague my mind.

But I am not dwelling on them.

For if I should, then another year would go by without a pivotal change in my life.

I'm not saying that it is easy;
it isn't.

I'm not saying that feelings can be quelled and snuffed at will;
they can't.

Now, here's my beef on the issue at hand :

The looming why that threatens to exhaust my existence, if not for sheer willpower.

1. Why did You mark the most significant day of my life and sweep me off my feet when we finally met again after I'd avoided You all these years?
2. Why are You holding onto things of the past like I am holding onto those from You?
3. Why did You bring me much joy thereafter just before You left?
4. Why did You keep Your promise that night but I missed it and thereafter, I ran in circles for nought?

Was it Your way of saying Goodbye to me -

to leave me with the best of memories before You took flight?

Had those weeks not transpired; 

Had we met and remained cordial with nary a trace of those weeks, 

then I'd have long abandoned any lingering notions.

You took to the floor with a familiar dance of chance before it was abruptly disrupted and I was thrown into disarray.

This tumultuous extremities of the continuum left me broken once more.

Let's not insult each other by saying that it was all for good old doe-eyed friendship.

I would love a dose of Honesty, after all these years.

What was going through Your mind that very night?

The night that I'd tried to salvage in vain after missing it?

I guess I'd never know.