Choices.
长大了. Mich has grown up.
This time, my head is planted firmly on my shoulders. However upset I am, I will not remain stationary as I have been all these years.
No, I'm not bitter. Bitterness only crowds out the good things that could and should otherwise occupy the mantle of one's life.
No, I've not lost my sense of wonderment. Little nuggets of information continue to fascinate me.
No, I've not lost Hope. Hoping for the best trumps a defeatist attitude. What I want may not land on my lap, but in the midst of working towards it, something good will invariably drop by.
We make choices in our lives.
It may upset me greatly; there will be days when crinkled curves and trickles keep me company, for I am only human, but I choose not to let it break me.
Not this time.
It may have left me bewildered, disappointed and even betrayed to a certain extent, but it will not stop me from living my life.
2007 was a real good lesson and I don't intend to repeat its course in due time.
This is in accordance with my New Year's Resolution - 2013 : Make it count.
See? What did I tell you?
长大了. Mich has grown up.
•••• EDITED ••••
Truth be told, I'd known in September. All I wanted was for You to define my role, address the past and to provide closure.
When I met You, I'd only expected cordial & polite talk. I didn't expect things to go the way they did.
Naively, I thought that as we stood there on the final night, it would provide me with the answer for all these years and that thereafter, I braced myself with the expectation that I'd never hear from You again.
However, I was surprised that You kept your promise, albeit to a certain extent. Yet, when I missed it, I didn't get another chance. What was going through your mind that very night at 2am? Why would you ask if you did not want to answer? Maybe it was avoidance; maybe it was to keep me hanging; maybe you didn't care; maybe you cared enough not to hurt me.
Do You see where I'm going with this? Speculation does nothing to fill in the blanks, which is why I choose not to do so.
As always, you're aware that I've never been the type to sabotage nor badger You. It is not within my personality makeup. Rather, I've always been the one to watch from the sides, knowing when to slink away silently and hoping that You'd paddle back some day, if ever.
This naiveté of mine clamoured for an ounce of Truth. It has since been eroded.
I don't quite know how to handle the mash within nor if this horrid hollow will ever fade. But I do know that I will not allow myself to be chained to this yet again.
Time and tide wait for no man. Cliches and adages do make sense after all.
2013: Make it count.
This time, my head is planted firmly on my shoulders. However upset I am, I will not remain stationary as I have been all these years.
No, I'm not bitter. Bitterness only crowds out the good things that could and should otherwise occupy the mantle of one's life.
No, I've not lost my sense of wonderment. Little nuggets of information continue to fascinate me.
No, I've not lost Hope. Hoping for the best trumps a defeatist attitude. What I want may not land on my lap, but in the midst of working towards it, something good will invariably drop by.
We make choices in our lives.
It may upset me greatly; there will be days when crinkled curves and trickles keep me company, for I am only human, but I choose not to let it break me.
Not this time.
It may have left me bewildered, disappointed and even betrayed to a certain extent, but it will not stop me from living my life.
2007 was a real good lesson and I don't intend to repeat its course in due time.
This is in accordance with my New Year's Resolution - 2013 : Make it count.
See? What did I tell you?
长大了. Mich has grown up.
•••• EDITED ••••
Truth be told, I'd known in September. All I wanted was for You to define my role, address the past and to provide closure.
When I met You, I'd only expected cordial & polite talk. I didn't expect things to go the way they did.
Naively, I thought that as we stood there on the final night, it would provide me with the answer for all these years and that thereafter, I braced myself with the expectation that I'd never hear from You again.
However, I was surprised that You kept your promise, albeit to a certain extent. Yet, when I missed it, I didn't get another chance. What was going through your mind that very night at 2am? Why would you ask if you did not want to answer? Maybe it was avoidance; maybe it was to keep me hanging; maybe you didn't care; maybe you cared enough not to hurt me.
Do You see where I'm going with this? Speculation does nothing to fill in the blanks, which is why I choose not to do so.
As always, you're aware that I've never been the type to sabotage nor badger You. It is not within my personality makeup. Rather, I've always been the one to watch from the sides, knowing when to slink away silently and hoping that You'd paddle back some day, if ever.
This naiveté of mine clamoured for an ounce of Truth. It has since been eroded.
I don't quite know how to handle the mash within nor if this horrid hollow will ever fade. But I do know that I will not allow myself to be chained to this yet again.
Time and tide wait for no man. Cliches and adages do make sense after all.
2013: Make it count.
posted by whimsical_fantasies at 1:35 AM
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