Be It So.

Life was going great.

I was doing fabulously well at work.

I was out every single day with a great work-life balance.

More importantly, I was Happy.

Then, You happened.

Yes, You made me very Happy but along with the bouts of Happiness came a load of tears in private.

A colleague whom I scarcely knew was concerned enough to stop me along the stairway as my "countenance had dimmed."

Now, I am not one to betray emotion to friends, let alone to colleagues. The cheerleader in me always smiles despite the turmoil. It is my survival instinct. I am able to laugh and be exuberant even though I am shattered within.

Yet, her words shook me.

That was 6 years ago.

For some reason, the yellowed pages of my cognition rustled along those lines today.

On the surface,

Life is going great. I am able to enjoy a certain lifestyle and my abode is nestled within a prime district while the coupé is a beauty at $240k.

I am still doing fabulously well at work, with a large-scale international project to be considered.

I try to maintain a work-life balance by strictly adhering to a 5-day work week. The opportunity cost is having to slog till 11pm on weekdays. Occasionally, I waver and Saturday is spent on labouring over scripts and such.

There are days when I am genuinely Happy.

But...the joy of Yesterday has been snuffed.

You.

The tarrying and swinging of the continuum has left me weathered.

If You want me, then man up. Speak forth.

Plying me with nuances and overt gestures all at once is not quite the same as an outright answer.

I'd love to grow old with You and watch the lil ones squeal in delight at the playground.

The quintessential years, 9 to be exact, have been spent on sailing back and forth.

I know it was MY FAULT that ______, which was why I'd apologized to You just before You left. It took me 9 years to summon my courage for that.

Forget my status.

Forget my circumstances.

Forget everything.

And reach deep within,

To the time when we first met,

When our eyes twinkled and You'd send me a barrage of texts be it day or night. We'd find excuses to spend time together or You'd drop by unexpectedly.

Remember the halcyon days of our youth.

If You still hold those memories dearly, You've got to tell me.

I wish You would. That would really make my day to know that these are shared memories.

But if those are silly shades of the past, then let me go.

We're both doers and perfectionists to a fault. Yet, the fact that we're still in each other's lives, that You'd surprised me on my Birthday, that I'm even penning these scrawls is a testament to an awry equilibrium of sorts.

I cannot read Your mind but my heart is an open book.

It is You.

It will always be You.