Keeping Mum.

When I was 16, my form teacher engaged us in a discussion about our future.

I'd wanted to be a lawyer or a social worker.

Today, I'm neither; I'm a teacher. I love what I do and I'm very good at it.

When I was 18, I told everyone that I wanted to be married at 24.

Today, I tell my students to live their dreams and wait till 30. Having done that, 24 was way too young to have signed my life away on a legal document.

When I was 22, I dreamt of a lil Michie pottering around by the time I was 30.

Today, I'm 34.

"You're waiting for him,aren't you?" was something that a friend had queried That Night when I was 25.

When inquisitive people badger me, my convenient excuse is, "No time."

"Eeew, no," is another favourite red herring.

I dreamt of lil Michie today.

She was clad in a yellow dress and twirled around with ribbons. She covered her mouth and giggled. As I reached for her hand, she asked, "Mummy, you want me but why won't you have me?" and I woke up in tears.

I have no answer to that, lil One.

Because I want your life to be perfect and free from pain. I want every memory of yours to be Happy. You don't have to be the brightest spark or incredibly talented. All I ask is for a Happy & Healthy you. I will love you very, very much.

I had a fantastic childhood. And right now, I cannot promise you that.

So in my dreams you'll have to linger, lil One.

Until I decide to have you.

When I do, I'll never get rid of you. No, no. You'll be too precious come what may.

Erstwhile, I'm sorry.