Rue.

It's almost a Promise, isn't it?

"You will keep me safe
You will keep me close
And rain,
Will make the flowers grow."

~ Les Miserables 

Scribbles From The Other Side.

 Fight the good fight, Mich.

 Don't give up now.

 It's been 8 years since....

 You know what it's like.

 You've been there before.

 Surely you wouldn't want to live through it again, would you, Mich?

 Press on.

 Crash and Burn.

 Pulverize, if you will.

 But, NEVER REGRET IT YET AGAIN.

até ao fim do mundo

The Neanderthal has ceased to exist.

And so, caving in ought to face an oblique repudiation.

I'd rather die trying than to give up without a fight.

For to lose, I could accept.
But to surrender, I just wept.

• ljubav •

Words.

So That's Why.

And I was real Happy just a couple of hours ago;

I'd skipped around when You ...

Yet again.

Can you help me I'm Bent?
I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together...
~ Matchbox Twenty

<s>Refuge</s> Refugee

A haven in which I'd spent my childhood;

A place where I'd been a part of with lifelong friends -

It was my safe refuge;

Crummy emotions would dissipate once I'd spoken to DFoo, Aunty SC, CK or someone I'd trusted as they'd watched me grow.

That was then.

My refuge has become a place where words fail to traipse beyond the tip of my tongue.

From being the recipient of the annual Most Outstanding award, I've dwindled to registering barely an audible whisper at the place where my feet still struggle to stand.

When my eldest uncle passed on last year, echoes of "I didn't know you were his niece!" and "Oh! He's your uncle?!" were commonplace.

I'd tried so hard up till then to conceal my identity for Uncle was highly active and in charge of a ministry. I didn't want to draw attention to myself lest skeletons were dragged out of the closet, one that was fashioned on this very ground so many years ago.

A recent addition, SL was someone who appeared to be non-judgmental. "Perhaps..." I'd thought.

This notion was soon pulverised with the discovery that SL had been best friends with my youngest uncle since their halcyon days of youth.

So much for a glimmer, eh?

Then, there's the familial imprint which greets me. Naturally.

Each time my eyes fall upon the familial (and familiar) sight, my memory bank swells and turmoil follows thereafter. But all is calm on the surface; suppression becomes a convenient tool to avoid the implications should It come to light.

And as they fade in the distance, I inhale stoicism and exhale sadness before picking up my belongings and going about my way.

Keeping Mum.

长大了。

开始学会保护妈妈。

开始会替妈妈着想。

一瞬间，发现到妈妈老了，已不再是昨日的凶猛战士。

已六十多岁的她，也开始长出了白发。

还有二十、三十、四十年 但总有一天，她会停下来，歇息至永恒。

一想到那日的来临，两行泪会不禁地落着。

Typically Atypical.

Chiming consciousness amidst the bewitching spell of slumber, the alarm clock chuckled heartily.

My mind registered its chatter; I knew I had to stir but I couldn't.

Detached from my shell, I found myself drifting away. Light as a feather, I was floating towards the skies.

My mind willed itself against struggling. It yearned to be in a permanent state of inertia. I longed to sleep for eternity for it was in my dreams that I met You.

Just then, the image of B came into clarity. I told him that there were spaces and places that I never had in reality. More importantly, I was happy with You in my dreams.

He intoned gravely, "Mich, get up. Wake up. Before it's too late. Now. "Light filtered through the hollows of my eyes; the chassis had emerged victorious after a two-hour battle with the pneuma.

Finally.

Quagmire.

昙花一现。

不久，花蕊又会轻轻地抚摸着融化的冰雪之地。

彩虹也只不过是偶然的现象。

练是一种习惯。

念是朝思暮想。

年是岁月的摧残。

联是勾起的记忆。

半斤八两地胡扯

只掩盖着将来临的离别。

好期待你的承诺，

好不容易地再与你共舞，

但音乐一奄息，

就是我得放开双手的时刻。

因为我只要你快乐就好。

偶尔在远方的他乡

记得我的存在，

那就好了。

Mastering Mustering.

Sometimes, I forget that you're no longer around.

"Let's get this for ..."

My voice tapers off into that deep dwelling festooned with a motion for reality.

Come Christmas and birthdays, a wallet, belt or other constructions of leather would plead for allegiance in the attention department.

And I comply, if ever so briefly.

I motion my will to register the inscription validated by the yellowed scrawls.

It flounders.

Koo, I miss you so much.

When darkness falls, the blanket of stars cloaks my sadness.

My eyelids draw to a close and a trickle falls, unbroken.

Literature.

It's pouring.

Curtains of droplets sketch their momentary existence.

Pathetic fallacy at play.

Just as well.

• = • = • =• = • = • = • = • = •

[*Note : In Literature, 'pathetic' is not perjorative. Rather, it is related to 'pathos'. Personification is a close parallel.]

Zucchini.

Your heart and mind are engaged in a battle; each disparages the other.

You're in a pickle.

Zucchini.

The Alpha Bet.

It's as easy as A-B-C.

But I'm an M, you see.

M-i-c-h.

It ain't easy after all.

There It Goes.

Someday.

Blink.

“ 很多东西，错过了一时，就错过了一世。”

Starfish.

The motivation to get going.

The desire to explore.

The reason to exist.

Breathing life into my being once again.

Starfish.

Come October.

Learn to ignore the naysayers.

Those who underestimate you?

Let them laugh.

Keep doing what's Right.

Believe in yourself.

Acknowledge your weaknesses.

Play up your strengths.

October is a month when I'll face Naysayers of the Past.

M and I intend to save our brightest and warmest smiles for them.

For who's laughing now?

Righteousness has prevailed.

Hello, Everybody! =)

Windsock.

A
Sunshine
Day

=)

Waiting.

As long as it takes,

I'll wait.

This I promise You.

Of Weeds.

Negative people are much like deadweights -

the kind who'd rain on your parade,

the ones who'd have nothing good to say when you're reeling in delight,

the people who'd scoff at your joy.

Their artifice chokes. They gnaw away at you, eroding and encumbering your attempts at being Happy and Good.

Have you had a friend who'd be sullen and evidently detached whenever you shared a tale of joy?

Or a friend who could not accept that you've leapfrogged him/her and appear to resent your success progress?

What about a friend who demands authority and superiority in aspects that he/she is alien to but are clearly your forte?

Would you be happy with a friend whom you'd always avail yourself to despite having to adjust your hectic schedule but he/she would never do the same for you?

For example, he/she insists on a shared commitment on Friday afternoons, justifying that Fridays are imperative. Your efforts to coax a shift to Saturday are nullified. You're berated for suggesting inefficiency and a 24-hour lag. This, despite knowing fully well that on your side, Fridays are clearly bogged with work till 10pm. You thus tweak your schedule such that you are available on certain Fridays, which translates to longer working hours for the rest of the week as you distribute Friday's workload among the other days. However, at his/her whim, Fridays are now off-limits and hey, presto! Saturdays are now imperative. Your only day of rest is now pulverised. What about the drawbacks of inefficiency by choosing Saturdays? "Oh, it doesn't matter." Uh-Huh....Right....

Would you embrace a friend who doesn't want to share hear know your sorrows?

What if all the above were to cumulate in a single person?

What would be the straw that breaks the camel's back?

As always, I try to be patient and my threshhold for nonsense is relatively high. (Good friends can attest to how amazed they are that I can stretch myself without snapping in many aspects when they'd have walked away a long time ago!)

People with emotional baggage, constant gripes or financial issues are not the ones I'd shun. It is not right to leave a friend in the lurch.

But someone who is unkind, mean and selfish? Someone who wants neither your joys nor sorrows?

A soft-spoken gentle giant (ok, so it's Del) widened his orbs and remarked, "Why are you still friends with her, Mich?" I burst out laughing as I hadn't expected an answer of this sort from a fabulously patient guy.

He got me thinking and here's my answer -

Because Mich always looks for the silver lining, the sliver (did a double-take there, didn't you?) of goodness in somebody.

Mich believes in giving others yet another chance and another and another and another ...

As always.

With everyone.

With anyone.

With ......

No Room for Huffs and Puffs. =)

Light a candle.
Strike a match.
Wick aflutter
Whiffs the ledge.

Let it flicker,
Burn or wane.
Don't put it out now,
That lil flame.

It's weathered storms,
Withstood the rain.
It's come thus far
To light again.