Saturday, January 31, 2009

Christmas Eve, 2008

Today

Well, I know it's a tad late but here are the long overdue pics!

@ Hacienda

The Man on the Wheel.
(Ange was in her own car)

*Bleep* & Ange
(I have nothing good to say about *Bleep* coz he cheated Ange of her money & feelings after that)


Mich & The Man

Smiles.

Love this shot.

The Man & *Bleep*

Mich & Ange

Mich & Ange (again!)

Group shot.

14 Nov + 13 Nov =)

24 Dec 2008
  • Bellini Grande was fully booked. (and the wrong information was provided by the staff)
  • So was Wild Rocket @ Mt Emily.
  • Nobody answered the phone at Le Noir despite numerous calls.
What were two ladies and two men supposed to do / go ?
  • Wound up at Hacienda @ Dempsey.
  • Opened a bottle of De Trafford (chilled, of course).
  • Nibbled on some food.
  • Cheers! =)
( Pictures will have to wait coz Friend A needs to veto "unflattering" pictures of herself before approving the batch upload. Yes, I'm so nice, right? Haha! ) Pictures uploaded!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Happiness

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up
and she’ll be home
Home, home, home

[ The Fray, Happiness ]

The Worst Sound In The World....

... is that of Silence.

Know Something?

This is the 4th year.

When will this end?

The time when the old banjo shall sing no more, I guess.

Thank You, Leion! =)

As all of you would have known, Mich was struggling between a Samsung Omnia & an iPhone.

The previous attempt at snagging the Omnia garnered nought as the phone was out of stock.

Today, my dear old hao peng you, Leion dropped a few golden coins into Mich's pot at the end of the rainbow.

( Details cannot be revealed due to sensitive work-related issues. )

To cut the long story short, Mich can see the iPhone at the end of the tunnel now.

I'd promised a shoutout here, so ... THANK YOU, LEION! =)

Friday, January 23, 2009

With Flagrant Disregard.

Pride & Principle have often interlocked. Hand in hand, they have landed Mich in sticky situations as she's a stickler for doing the right thing.

Many a time, wishes have been whisked away due to the singularity of Pride. Obstinate to a fault, it's certainly not an associate of Compromise.

Because of Pride, Mich has either held back or surged forward in given circumstances.

Yet, there is often scant recourse and doing the right thing reeks of being self-defeatist at times.

She mulls.

Courage - at what price?

Nihilism

Active and Passive Nihilism

We argue that there exists two basic ways of approaching nihilism as a philosophy:

a) Passive Nihilism: Nihilism seen as an end in itself, meaning one strips the outlook on life to reject all established morals, values, and truths, thus finding oneself in a void of emptiness where nothing is real, and thus nothing is worth doing.

b) Active Nihilism: Nihilism seen as a continuous process, meaning one strips the outlook on life of all values, and then create new values out of the void, thus turning nihilism into a form of mental weapon, that one can use to examine different interpretations of reality.

The passive nihilism is essentially what a philosopher would call fatalism; there exists no reality and no truth, thus we as human individuals are trapped within an illusion. One could say this is a form of extreme depression or extreme passive outlook on life, as it claims that the individual lacks any form of free will, since it cannot act upon something that doesn't exist. Passive nihilism can therefore be seen as us giving up on life, rejecting our potential in acting upon the world, regardless if it is ultimately "real" or not.

This conclusion, that we don't need to "objectively" affirm everything in order for it to become worth believing in or acting upon, leads us to the nihilism that will be discussed here; the active nihilism. The active nihilist sees nihilism as a sort of mental filter, that kills established norms and values, to examine and re-create an interpretation of an idea, that is closer to reality. Nihilism bypasses moral conventions to study ideas from a causal perspective.

Read more about Nihilism here.

Just.


I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life.

When you're quiet, I watch your eyes
They're saying everything I need to know
I want to burrow like a sparrow
Dodging alley cats and whiskers
Why do we talk in whispers?
Is it painful hearing voices ring
So early in the morning?

I've been waiting for the day
When I can throw away these numbers
That line my dresser drawers and cupboards.
Start me over
Life seems so much slower
With your toothbrush by the mirror
Can I make it any clearer?

And I just might say it tonight
I just might say it tonight
I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life

They'll tell you that you'll maybe make it
If you just cut your clothes and change your hair
But I won't fuss and moan
About what you wear
I feel so much better
When I read your dirty letters
Just wear your sweaters in the winter

'Cause I wouldn't want you to get cold
I hope that we're together when we're old
I would have sold all my possessions
Never took piano lessons
But baby you're a grand
And I will learn to play the good notes
And tune you up the best I can

And I just might say it tonight
I just might say it tonight
I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life

-- Scissor Sisters, Might Tell You Tonight.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

That One. =)

Synchronicity

Obamas Pennslyvania Ave 2.jpgObamas Pennslyvania Ave 4.jpgObamas Pennslyvania Ave 5.jpgObamas Pennslyvania Ave 1.jpg
(clockwise, from top left: President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle walk the Inaugural Parade route after Obama was sworn in as 44th US president January 20, 2009 in Washington, DC. Obama and Michelle twice stepped from of their limousine and out onto Pennsylvania Avenue to walk down the route taking them to the White House. Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images. image 2: Jim Young/Reuters. image 3: Jae Hong/AP. 4: Doug Mills/Reuters)
-- Source : BAGnewsNotes

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

God Bless America - Obama's Pre-Inaugural Speech at the Lincoln Memorial

Crowds gather near the Washington Monument for a pre-inaugural concert on January 18.

Obama Inauguration Expected To Break All Records
By Heather Maher

WASHINGTON -- When Barack Obama takes the oath of office on January 20, he will do so upon the Bible that his personal political hero, Abraham Lincoln, used for his own swearing in, in 1861.

Lincoln, America's 16th president, served from 1861 until his assassination in 1865 and is widely revered for having preserved national unity by winning the Civil War and ending the practice of slavery.

This year marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of Abraham Lincoln, who, like Obama, was an Illinois legislator before he rose to the presidency.

Using Lincoln's Bible is one of a few personal touches that Obama has put on the inaugural ceremony. Others include the inclusion of soul singer Aretha Franklin, evangelical megachurch leader Rick Warren, and a young poet to deliver the traditional inaugural poem.

Even without those details, the country's 56th presidential inauguration would be anything but traditional: Obama is the first black president elected in the country's history -- a milestone many Americans considered impossible not long ago.

Obama will be sworn into office one day after the country observes Martin Luther King Day, a holiday that honors the inspirational black civil rights leader.

Bigger Than Ever

This particular inauguration is set to break all records: it will be the most costly, most security-conscious, and most watched in U.S. history.

The tiny District of Columbia, which is home to the White House, the U.S. Capitol, and all federal agencies, is spending almost $50 million to accommodate and protect an expected crowd of almost 2.5 million spectators and participants.

On January 18, despite cold temperatures, a crowd of some 75,000 gathered at the Lincoln Memorial in downtown Washington to watch an inauguration concert featuring Hollywood celebrities like Tom Hanks and Queen Latifah, and musical artists U2 and Bruce Springsteen.

Video from the concert at the Lincoln Memorial:



Obama, who could be seen singing along at times, gave a brief speech at the end of the concert that contained both optimism and caution.

He repeated his warning that the challenges currently facing America are daunting. "In the course of our history, only a handful of generations have been asked to confront challenges as serious as the ones we face right now," Obama said. "Our nation is at war; our economy is in crisis."

But he told the crowd that, looking at their faces, he was reminded why he ran for president in the first place.

"As I prepare to assume the presidency, yours are the voices I will take with me every day I walk into that Oval Office -- the voices of men and women who have different stories but hold common hopes; who ask only for what was promised us as Americans -- that we might make of our lives what we will and see our children climb higher than we did," Obama said.

Tightly Scripted

Obama's inauguration will begin around 11:00 local time, when he, his wife Michelle, and their two daughters travel in a motorcade from Blair House, located just across from the White House, to the U.S. Capitol.

Obama will ride down the wide boulevard that connects the two institutions -- called Pennsylvania Avenue -- in a new armored Cadillac that has already been nicknamed "The Beast" in the press.

On the steps of the U.S. Capitol, Obama will sit with his family in a specially built area enclosed by glass and warmed by heaters. The weather forecast is calling for freezing temperatures and clear skies. After music by the United States Marine Band and children's choruses, Warren -- who has been criticized for his conservative views on women and homosexuals -- will deliver the invocation.

More music will follow, and then Joe Biden will be sworn in as U.S. vice president by Supreme Court Associate Justice John Paul Stevens. After still more music, Obama will be sworn in by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts.

Then it falls to Obama -- the 47-year-old Columbia and Harvard Law School graduate whose oratory skills have served him well from the keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention to the "more perfect union" speech tackling race and prejudice in the heat of his primary battle against Hillary Clinton -- to deliver the most important speech of his life.

He is said to have started working on the address immediately after November's election victory, in which he took 53 percent of the vote to Republican Senator John McCain's 46 and a wide margin (365-173) in the electoral-college vote.

Obama's address is followed by a poetry reading, a religious blessing, and the national anthem.

By lunchtime, the United States will have its 44th president.

Then President Obama, former President George W. Bush, and about 200 political dignitaries will gather for a lunch inside the U.S. Capitol. They will dine on a menu of classic American dishes its creators say were inspired by the 200th anniversary of President Lincoln's birth: a seafood stew, roasted duck and pheasant, and apple cake for dessert.

After lunch, the celebrating begins in earnest with a parade down Pennsylvania Avenue featuring ceremonial military regiments, citizens' groups, marching bands, and floats. Obama and his family will ride along the parade route in their motorcade, but whether he will spontaneously get out of the car and walk -- as previous presidents have sometimes done -- is only known by the Secret Service.

Crowded House

More than 2 million people are thought to have traveled to Washington for the inauguration and many of them will try to squeeze onto the two-mile long National Mall, a wide green park dotted with national monuments like the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument.

It marks the first time in U.S. history that the National Mall has been opened for an inauguration. Since most people will be too far away to see the swearing in ceremony, organizers will show the proceedings on more than two-dozen giant screens that have been set up.

The size of the crowd is a bit of a logistical nightmare for Washington, which has a population of 600,000. City officials say hotels are at full capacity and the city's metro will see "crush conditions."

In this age of mass terror attacks, the inauguration of the country's first black president has significantly heightened security concerns that were already high.

Officials have already closed all the streets surrounding the White House and U.S. Capitol to anything but pedestrians and bikes, and many bridges into the city will turn away commercial traffic all day.

Federal law-enforcement authorities have reportedly based some of their security plans on lessons learned from terrorist attacks on New York, London, and Mumbai. Hundreds of teams of intelligence analysts, bomb experts, hostage negotiators, and more than 20,000 law enforcement agents will cover potential threats from the air, sea, and land.

Dozens of balls are scheduled all over the U.S. capital on inauguration evening, and President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama will personally attend 10 of them. They range from exclusive, invitation-only galas to inclusive, populist affairs, but most will feature music and dancing and lavish buffets.

People who don't have an invitation to a ball will at least be able to celebrate longer than usual: the city is allowing bars to stay open until 5 a.m. -- four hours past their normal closing time.

Monday, January 19, 2009

'Twas Not In Vain.



With time to kill (7 hours to be precise) at Twister by Monsoon, a backdated copy of Vanity Fair whetted my appetite for worthy eyeball fodder in its erudite best.

By no means is Vanity Fair an overpriced fashion wannabe mogul as I'd come to believe assume. ( Hear ye, the judgemental Singaporean within!) It was bursting with candied syllables and tingled Mich's literary (not literally) tastebuds.

The Editor had me stifling giggles with his brand of sardonic wit......Meanwhile, Barack Obama, once the cool, unflappable Bugs Bunny of the tale, is re-drawn by the Republicans and the media as Wile E. Coyote—rattled, frustrated, and off his game. His running mate, Joe Biden, as popular, informed, and experienced as he is, is consigned to playing the Looney Tunes role that could have been written for him: Foghorn Leghorn. “Ah say, son … !”

......She (Sarah Palin) would, after all, be a skin cell away from the presidency. Her running mate is a 72-year-old hothead with high blood pressure, and one who has also suffered four instances of the most serious form of skin cancer, malignant melanoma. Not to get overly morbid here, but it bears mentioning that McCain’s father died at 70, and his grandfather at 61—both of heart attacks.
Rather happily, I plundered through James Walcott's stash of finesse.
.....I am a pessimist by temperament and trade, prey to intermittent clouds. Left to its own devices, my mind magnifies everything it glues on to, no matter how far off or unlikely.

....In retrospect, my earth-moon crash scenario was probably an offshoot of the atomic anxiety hanging over all our heads back then, “then” being the grainy days of the Cuban missile crisis, Nikita Khrushchev’s “We will bury you,” Fail-Safe, On the Beach, Dr. Strangelove, Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,” and the grim parables of The Twilight Zone, where host Rod Serling, biting off each phrase along the dotted line, would perform a wry eulogy to mankind’s folly in messing with creation.

....Let’s be honest—this new millennium, so far it’s been a huge disappointment. It was preceded by a false alarm (the Y2K rollover), was cursed by hanging chads (the Florida recount), and has been held hostage ever since by the ministry of fear, with Americans meekly removing their shoes for the privilege of flying in airplanes charging fees for pillows and blankets.

It’s been seven years since 9/11, no follow-up attack has stabbed our shores, and yet the front pages of so many papers resemble the end is near signs toted by bearded prophets that were once a staple of New Yorker cartoons. The decade has traveled from bin Laden’s cave to the Dark Knight’s Batcave in a jagged thrust of clenched force and unleashed chaos.

.....Journalism used to perform a higher civic function than it does today, so spanked up is it with gaffes, gotchas, spin-doctoring, celebrity pimping, crisis-mongering, minnow-brained punditry, drama criticism practiced from under the troll bridge (usually at the expense of Democrats—Al Gore’s sighings during the debate with George Bush, Hillary Clinton’s “cackle”), and instant amnesia. To watch archive footage of TV reporters from the black-and-white era with their measured intonations and ashen visages—before everybody burst into Michael Kors orange—is to crack open the crypt on a more responsible, somber, and, yes, duller era, when journalists still conducted themselves as a priestly caste serving the needs of an informed citizenry, as opposed to catering to cud-chewing dolts.
Nobel-laureate economist, Joseph E. Stiglitz, primed beyond statistical discourse......President Bush inherited a $128 billion budget surplus from Bill Clinton; this year the federal government announced the second-largest budget deficit ever reported. During the eight years of the Bush administration, the national debt has increased by more than 65 percent, to nearly $10 trillion (to which the debts of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae should now be added, according to the Congressional Budget Office).

.....Market economies work only when there is a system of accountability, but C.E.O.’s, investors, and creditors are walking away with billions, while American taxpayers are being asked to pick up the tab. (Freddie Mac’s chairman, Richard Syron, earned $14.5 million in 2007. Fannie Mae’s C.E.O., Daniel Mudd, earned $14.2 million that same year.) We’re looking at a new form of public-private partnership, one in which the public shoulders all the risk, and the private sector gets all the profit. While the Bush administration preaches responsibility, the words are addressed only to the less well-off. The administration talks about the impact of “moral hazard” on the poor “speculator” who borrowed money and bought a house beyond his ability to pay. But moral hazard somehow isn’t an issue when it comes to the high-stakes speculators in corporate boardrooms.

.....Never mind that the few times “free banking” has been tried—most recently in Pinochet’s Chile, under the influence of the doctrinaire free-market theorist Milton Friedman—the experiment has ended in disaster. Chile is still paying back the debts from its misadventure. With massive problems in 1987 (remember Black Friday, when stock markets plunged almost 25 percent), 1989 (the savings-and-loan debacle), 1997 (the East Asia financial crisis), 1998 (the bailout of Long Term Capital Management), and 2001–02 (the collapses of Enron and WorldCom), one might think there would be more skepticism about the wisdom of leaving markets to themselves.

.....We can have a financial system that is more stable—and even more dynamic—with stronger regulation. Self-regulation is an oxymoron. Financial markets produced loans and other products that were so complex and insidious that even their creators did not fully understand them; these products were so irresponsible that analysts called them “toxic.” Yet financial markets failed to create products that would enable ordinary households to face the risks they confront and stay in their homes. We need a financial-products safety commission and a financial-systems stability commission. And they can’t be run by Wall Street.
Alas, there exists a limit of excitation online - Cherie Blair, caricatures by the New York Review of Books illustrator David Levine, Henry Nicholas of the Broadcom infamy and the Columbian political hostage crisis with FARC guerillas - to command one's attention. You'll have to read the rest in print.

Oh, yes.

Did I mention that I was at the h-a-i-r salon for rebonding (read : a $300 pounding on the wallet)?

Who'd have expected the lettered enchantment which charmed me most?

Now, excuse me while I reach for the subscription form of Vanity Fair. =)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

This... was You.


This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream.
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need.


Fetching. Allow me to indulge.

If a song were a tangible exposition, this would be Me.

My playground. My childhood. My dream. My love.

It imparts a collective character of the very being - Me.
And in every word dallies the nuance upon which substance departs.



This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end?
And why do they always say

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well, that's too much to ask

Live and learn
Well, the years they flew
And we never knew
We were foolish then
We would never tire
And that little fire
Is still alive in me
It will never go away
Can't say goodbye to yesterday

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well, then there's hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday (the dream)
Those are words I'll never say

This used to be my playground
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
I wish you were standing here with me

This used to be our playground
This used to be our great escape
This used to be the place we ran to
This used to be our secret hiding place

This used to be our playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

"I Believe You Do It So That People Will Love You."



"I believe you do it so that people will love you."

This line resonated with me as did Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire - constantly searching, yearning, trying to be flawless, yet deeply unhappy.

And this scene dug deep into my memory closet.

The references and parallels in the movie are far too numerous to ignore.

The pages turn. To the time when You looked me in the eye and took a step forward but I'd let that one single chance slip.

And it's all to be buried in the past.

~

GRAY: Would it help to unburden yourself?

GEORGIANA: It’s nothing I can discuss with you. Besides, it would only bore.

GRAY: You don’t have to please others all the time.

GEORGIANA: It’s what I’ve been brought up to do. Difficult lesson to unlearn.

GRAY: Would you permit me an observation?

[GEORGIANA looks at him; there is pain in her eyes.]

GRAY: I believe you do it so that people will love you.

GEORGIANA: What makes you say that?

GRAY: From what I’ve seen. With your husband, your friends, especially Lady Bess. Even the public.

GEORGIANA: I never thought of it that way before.
[angrily, walking away hurriedly, breathing harshly] You make me sound so pitiful.

GRAY: Georgiana! I’ve gone beyond my brief. I apologize. Please believe it was only for your sake that I spoke. [earnestly] Please, tell me what is wrong.

GEORGIANA: [quietly] I fear I’ve done some things in life too late, and others too early.

GRAY: [steps forward] No, you haven’t. [kisses her]

~

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Man's Back From His Business Trip!

6 Days.
He's Back.

=)

Monday, January 12, 2009

You.



the tapestry hangs, a distance too long.
what could be right fleshed out to be wrong.
to each his own in dotted throngs
of broken threads and unsung songs.

shadows ashen in faint hues shade
sketches with time deigned to fade
drenched in sepia, so these reels played
of You and Me and that unsaid.

started : 1.31pm
ended : 1.38pm

Sunday, January 11, 2009

She.

She stared for a long, long while.

Instead of trickles, she drew laughter from within.

She's wasted much time and it's now all left behind.

She wishes You well. =)

A Little Sensitivity Goes A Long, Long Way.

Recently, two close friends have moved up a few notches on the corporate ladder.

Friend P is now an Economist with XXX Bank. Read the papers. You'll find her opinions & market projections being sought after in the finance sector.

Friend Y left her job as an audit manager to take on the role of group financial controller at a local listed company.

When you're that high above the ground, is complaining about "being poor" justified?

I don't have a record-breaking paycheque. $6 000 to $8 000 is above average, but nowhere near rich. I can afford small luxuries and pamper myself from time to time, but I cannot, say, fly to Paris simply to shop.

There are essentials and there are whimsical wants. To each individual, the difference between the two is subjective.

You certainly won't find me whinging about wanting a $12000 Hermes bag to someone who can barely make ends meet.

A little sensitivity goes a long, long way.

On that note, if I've appeared to be insensitive to anyone in any manner, I'm sorry.

I'm conscious of my words and try not to hurt anyone's feelings. But if I've missed that mark at any point of time, do let me know.

It's in my personality makeup to contribute to someone's happiness, in any way that I can.

To make you smile, even if it's just for a while. =)

I Miss My Man.

Learning a lesson or two.

Have never been apart from The Man longer than a day for *gasp* 11 years.

I miss My Man.

Business trip, be gone! =(

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

An Epiphany.



Suddenly, It doesn't seem that big a problem anymore.

There are more things to Life than You.

Perhaps certain events and discoveries have precipitated this notion.

Is this a sign of maturity?

Or is Mich simply getting old ( read : on the brink of hitting the Big Three) ?

*chuckle*

The Man.



The following exchange took place rather randomly at a certain telco outlet.

Mich : What are we doing in the queue?
The Man : Buy a phone for you.
Mich : Now??
The Man : Ya.
Mich : ...........

Although the phone was out of stock (on Mich's wishlist : An Omnia..... and yes, I know, I know, it's *gasp* a Samsung), Mich was moved by the Man's sweet gesture.

He'd wanted to surprise Mich. To put a smile on her face.

They left the shop empty-handed.

Yet, Mich smiled. =)

She knew that The Man Loved/Loves Mich.

Monday, January 05, 2009

"Mich, You're Stronger Than This."



I was on the brink of giving up on myself. To cast untold cares to the wind.

Sleep - a world of escapism in which I am at helm. Nobody to hold me ransom to, no burdens to speak of, no disappointment and at the very least, a break from reality.

And so, sleep I have. A Sunday's worth of shut-eye.

Something stirs within.

This will not be 2007.

I will not let it be 2007. I will not be left whimpering in straggly strands.

There's too much to be done.

I will not be crippled nor incapacitated by You this time.

It's not as if I'm alone with none who cherishes me. He loves me more than You ever can/will. Why should I crumble for nought?

Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm hurt.
Yes, I'm disappointed that The Event of 2007 (click the link to refresh your memory) has fleshed out yet again without warning.

In time to come, I may be taken in by You once more (as I always have, a willing fool), but I will not let this ebb my life the way it had in 2007.

In the words of Bryan, "Mich, you're stronger than this."

Friday, January 02, 2009

To You.

"When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes."

-- Jonas Brothers

Hung on my skyline was a single thought.

This time, maybe, just maybe, it was for real.

Resting on my hands was a face cupped, in a manner which showed how deeply these broodings hinged on the unaccountable interruption that had broken my devotion.

Tonight, I found no tears to cry.

With placid contentment, not unmingled with a little fear, which past misfortunes had impressed, that what appeared certain and tangible might soon dissipate into an airy dream and leave no trace but deep and everlasting regret, I'd chosen to surge forward.

Yet, time and time again, with a wave of your hand, as if I were a tangible object, you'd sweep me aside and leave me broken.

Painfully suggestive of its cause, a crinkled curve served to soften the pain.

One day, You'll see. For reasons that logic had departed, I had implicit trust that You'd come to embrace the writing on the wall.

Time would tell, I was sure.

With an airy tongue that syllabled my name, You came forth with your sweet words of mirth. Dripped in comfort and sweet elevation, You dropped just enough to make me smile. Rationale had no room in this box of play.

They warned me against You. Playing with your mind, that's what they said. Castigation scrambled forward but little did I pay heed.

I found myself falling slowly astern, resolute in recovering what I'd lost -- a forbidden countenance.

Ceasing to debate with wisdom, I snuggled under the blanket of Hope. Wrapped in peaceful slumber, I held the affirmation that You and You alone would protect and not hurt me.

I'd wanted to believe.

I'd wanted You to need me.

To look me in the eyes.

Numbness Is When Something Inside Mich Dies. (Because of You)


"A secret that will never see the light,
Something in Mich has died Tonight."

Little Sparrow, my heart has died.
The tears I own but have not cried.
Fancy a walk? Come with me.
Shroud me in this mimicry.

Of nights in which to Him I'd turned,
Spoke not the affection that I'd yearned.
My solace, my refuge, a wish opined.
His words spoke of a promise to bind.

Why did I linger?
Why did I dream?
All that glittered,
How little they mean.

A smile to You,
My soul to bare.
The gift to me -
A scar to bear.

Festered wounds that yearn to know.
The Secret kept and yet to show.
Of which is locked in memory,
It laughs and mocks at me in glee.

He came, He sat, He laughed with me.
He was my Friend, my Love to be.
We ran, We played and Hope, I clutched.
A dance of chance saw none of such.

Steps abound, I count to ten.
Sweeping Time for races ran.
Eyelashes of each to preen,
Nought exchanged for the between.

Teach me to be strong and live
To learn to forget and forgive.
To start upon an empty slate,
Of which none of His lies would grate.

Little Sparrow, come stay with me.
Watch me crumple beneath the tree.
And if I should then fall asleep,
Tell my Love the Secret that I died to keep.

-- Mich

(final stanza has been modified from Sara Teasdale in my previous post.)

Numb.

And You know why.