Friday, June 30, 2006

Breaking

my two-dimensional world

has collapsed.

without you.

weakling i have become.

trying to repress.

To undo this wrong.

If one day.

I should take my leave

without saying goodbye,

know that

I've always loved you.

You just never knew.

Maybe

You

never cared.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

周慧敏 - 新娘的眼泪

It was 1992 when I heard this wistful song. Vivian Chow (周慧敏) was every man's dream back then. I'm not a fan and her vocals are nothing to shout about but I do think she's incredibly attractive.
Vivian Chow c.1992Vivan Chow c.2005
(nothing's changed at 39!)

新娘的眼泪

当音乐响起 我挽着他
庄严地向前走 微微地低着头

没有人知道我心中
眼泪无声地坠落

人们错误的猜想
这是新娘的娇羞

当音乐响起 我挽着他
庄严地向前走 微微地低着头

没有人知道我眼中
眼泪究竟为谁流
那就是因为喜悦 人们说

无数的 花朵和祝福 纷纷涌向我
象徵永恆的婚戒套在手
想要退怯 再也没有理由

我早已看见 分离的结果
於是我决定 当你出国
正式婚礼开始的时候


Click here to download the mp3.
If that doesn't work, try either link on this page.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Tomorrow


Come unto me,
all ye that labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Papa Leon

"How are you, Mich?" Leon enquired.

"Do you want the truth or a lie?" I jibbed.

With that, we had an hour long conversation. Leon's truly my guardian angel. Whenever I'm down in the dumps, he'll appear to set things right, as if on cue. He's the life buoy keeping me afloat and the person who's protected me from the start. Permanently based in Sydney, he takes the effort to maintain our friendship, which is "schweet" (a term I'd coined for him). Some are intimidated as Leon's uncle is the current CJ but not us. His status and wealth have never been a concern and he dislikes mingling with socialites but has little choice. Like Des, he has a worldly charm. Genuine to a fault, shrieks of "I hate you, Leon!" only triggers a smile on his face and reinforces the friendship forged between us (yes, it's pretty weird).

Personal talk aside, Leon attempted to coax me into subscribing to a gaming network, where I was assured, "Come lah, Mich. $14 per month for endless entertainment with Derek, Jen, Desmond, Elaine and our old gang. I know you don't like RPG but the rest are there. Join us!" Somehow, I'm not attracted to WoW, which incidentally isn't exactly wow to me, but that's just my biased opinion. The only association I have with Maple comes in the form of maple syrup. So, yeah, I'll give it a pass and stick to my nerdy word games like Literati, Text Twist, Graffiti and other free Yahoo games.

I miss the old gang - frothy, silly and absolutely nutty. Derek's in Singapore while Des is all over the region and Diana's just returned for good. As for the rest, they're nestled in Sydney.

"I may be busy but I remember you, Mich" Leon assured.

"I know, Leon. I know. You're not my guardian angel for nothing!" I jested.

It feels good to have a true friend who doesn't pay you lip service, who wouldn't cushion his words to avoid tension if he thought you were in need of a verbal lashing and doesn't retort "I told you so". That's the essence and beauty of the best platonic friend a girl can have - my Papa Leon.

Monday, June 26, 2006

From the Brushes of Gustav Klimt

Lovely paintings by Gustav Klimt. Both were painted in 1905 with real gold. The first painting was sold at an astounding US $135 m to Lauder from Estee Lauder and it remains the highest bid for a painting. Click each painting for an enlarged view. Admire the intricate details!

Adele Bloch-Bauer I
Gustav Klimt
1905

The Kiss
Gustav Klimt
1905

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Just Let Me Say

And the depth of grace
The forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say
How much I love You
Oh my Savior
My Lord and Friend

-Amen-

Young & Old Alike


  • Forever21 checked halter (check)
  • Levi's jeans (check)
  • Polo Ralph Lauren purchases (check)
  • Mango purchases (check)
No, that's not our uniform. We happen to have the same halter.
Cute? Lame? You decide. =.=

Friday, June 23, 2006

Mumblings Of The Day

  • Mango sale.
  • Ngee Ann City 7.30am.
  • 2nd in the queue with Vern -.-
  • Greetings from the friendly store manager at 8am, "Girls, are you ready?"
  • Ngee Ann City, Wisma Atria, Isetan Scotts
  • Blew $400.
  • 3 hour lunch with Gary.
  • Gelare's at East Coast with someone who took me there.
  • Home at midnight.
  • -Smile-

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Smile

When a smile means you've nothing left to say to me
And my return of this gesture guises the blanket of tears.
-smile-

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

If I Could Have Told You

Between us now, a drawing distance bridged. Upon glistening regret do I fixate my heart upon. If I had told you, would it have made a difference? Immense repression of a word and gaze sought to negate my futile chase. Of a dream. Of a hope. If only I could have told you.

Where once comfort and assurance billowed from your words, a hollow echo now reverberates a grief ago. Splinters and shards, of time I'd failed to grasp. A happiness desired, enveloped by your laughter.

I miss you.

I'd wanted to tell you so much, but I was afraid. With a fear of rocking the boat, I'd suppressed and dismissed that which had crept in silently. You never told me. Poised for an indication, your presence gleamed over my choked words. If I could tell you what I'd wanted to say, this drenching of tears would halt.

They said you did. Denial accompanied bewilderment. That could not be true. That should not be true. You were perfect. What was I to expect anything in return? Contemplative nuances and brash snippets made not a canvas of truth. Instance upon instance, they reinforced their stand and hestitatingly, I had come to believe.

It had to go on. It tore me to watch you. I didn't know if I'd hurt you because you'd never told. They chided me and said I did. Did I? There was no way I could have known. You never told and like you, I'd never asked. I was told that it was blatant for all to see. The answer was in your eyes, they insisted. If so, I lacked the courage to accept what I had desired across this stretch of years. Acting aloof and distant, a portrait of nonchalance I'd painted. It was not because I did not care. How could I have told you? They said you didn't want to let go. Neither did I.

Now, you've finally broken the chains. You've left the past behind. You don't need me anymore.

And I, struggling daily to shut off thoughts of you, have failed. Empty and void, my incessant trickle releases my grief, if only temporarily. I don't know how to. I've tried. I don't know how to. I'm sorry.

God, take my hands and let me learn to let him go.

I Loved You

I Loved You

I loved you; even now I must confess,
Some embers of my love their fire retain;
But do not let it cause you more distress,
I do not want to sadden you again.
Hopeless and tonguetied, yet I loved you dearly
With pangs the jealous and the timid know;
So tenderly I love you, so sincerely,
I pray God that she now loves you so.

Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin

Monday, June 19, 2006

I've Seen...

While Out At Sea

How Was Your Weekend?

This is a peek into mine:

Friday
Del took me to the Picturehouse where we caught the movie "Viva Cuba", an excellent reel of human pathos in the eyes of two children determined to remain together. Following that, we had dinner at Prinsep Street, where engaging conversation superceded the quality of the overpriced edibles.

Saturday
Awoken to reality a tad too late at 2pm. Scrambled out of the house at 5pm. Dinner at Cineleisure where Lips Cafe used to be. No intriguing movie, thus we tarried around for a while before I bagged a small $800 Gucci tote at Paragon.

Sunday
Caught 'Silent Hill' for the mere sake of wanting to watch a movie. Thereafter, home beckoned for a while before biting into beef shank galore, tom yum soup, spring rolls and spicy noodles at Holland V.

What Would You Like Me To Do?

Tell me.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

假装 - 蔡依林 (Pretending - Jolin)

(Click here to download the song.)
Alternatively, it is available along the sidebar.

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
A whiff of loneliness
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
The fading of a pulse following your silence
我笑了笑反正你看不到
I laugh to myself. After all, you don't see me.
我要的幸福
The happiness I desire
遗落在你怀抱
Slips carelessly from your hug.

当爱失了焦
When love loses its focus
那些最初的美好
Those initial happy memories
早被你搁在一角
Have been cast aside by you.
街上拥挤人潮
Along a crowded street,
走着看着都是摧眠符号
Mesmerized by the signs as I walk
记忆停不了
Continual rumination of my thoughts
穿过读你的心跳
Beyond the reading of your heartbeat
穿过想你的味道
Beyond reminiscing your scent
我只想不被打扰
I wish not to be disturbed.

假装多好我只要
Pretending everything's well, all I want
只想要再拥有一秒
All I seek is to have another moment
去相信你的拥抱
To believe that your hug
一直会让我依靠
Will constantly allow me to rely upon it
继续等待
Continually awaiting
还心甘情愿的不想逃
And staying put on my own accord


假装多好依然是
Pretending everything's well, I'm still
依然是暧昧的
Wavering in pain
一个人无理取闹
In wilful solitude
两人世界的煎熬
Torn between us
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套
I've been entangled in my own trap.

像是驼鸟
Like an ostrich
相信时间是唯一解药
Believing that time is the only cure
视而不见
Aware but in denial of
傻到了无可救药
This folly beyond redemption
其实早明了
Indeed, I've realised
你的爱已随风飘
That your love's gone with the wind
想要找
A wish to seek
再也找不到
Alas, it's a futile search.

假装自己
Pretending I've
已解开冰冷的手铐
Been freed by these cold chains

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tell Me. Please.

Tell me,
Before you go.
Was it ever a Yes
Or a constant No?

You've never said goodbye.
But your first word was hello.

I need to know
So I can let you go.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Leaving

I'm leaving for a while.

My Fairy Tale

I was right after all. You don't need Mich anymore.

I've been such a fool. Now I understand the difference, the change. You've paid me back in my own coin. For years, I have been the silent onlooker. For years have I stood by.

Certain actions, certain words, certain mannerisms and certain events had led me to believe. Onlookers reinforced this. I thought I'd meant something. Clinging onto this belief, my judgment had been clouded. Living in a bubble, I had bobbed along. For a shred of transient happiness, I'd traded in everything.

You never knew the real me because I was afraid to let you see who I really was. I'd concocted a carefree image in your eyes because I never wanted you to see the tears.With patience abound, I had waited for a word. An indication. A seal. To my chagrin, time produced naught.

What was I to you? A transitory phase? A shelter to take refuge? A random persona? Was I wrong? Are you able to look at me in the eye and tell me that I was wrong from the start? Was it a figment of my imagination? Did I hurt you back then? As you move on, will you remember me? Many questions loom in my head but they're not important anymore.

Fairy tales are dreams come true and dreams are what we wake up from.

You were my fairy tale.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A Little...

A little attention
A little while
A little time
A little smile

A little banter
A little beam
A little laughter
A little grin

A little moment
A little fate
A little happiness
A little late

Saturday, June 03, 2006

If

If I should ever hate you, it's only because I've loved you too much.

A Minute of Laughter

A moment of laughter from Alex:

"Flagging the stupid plane marked "KRIS". GO GO GO! STUPID PLANE. And then I turn to the plane marked "FINK". Then flag, DON'T GO! FOG AHEAD. VISIBILITY ZERO. Then the stupid pilot dunno do what. Trying to run me over or something."

Friday, June 02, 2006

Who Knew - Pink

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around

That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever and ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you, my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep

My darling
Who knew
My darling

My darling
Who knew
My darling

I miss you

My darling
Who knew
Who knew

Set Adrift On Memory's Bliss

A tree is a sturdy work of nature. It does not topple over nor is it uprooted easily.

One day, Mr Lumberjack chops down the tree. Cumbersome leaves and branches are removed. The trunk is then logged and transported. Along the way, a log is dislodged and it splashes into the adjacent river. Its absence remains unnoticed.

The water has no regard of the tree's former glory. It is now a mere log and nothing but another foreign object on the water surface. As the water ripples, it carries the abandoned log with it.

The log floats along.

With time, it drifts out of sight.