Dear Ling,
We used to be best friends. Do you remember that? You are known at work to be hoity-toity and you select your friends carefully. Some called you a snooty snob, so I was pleasantly surprised when you were warm and receptive to me on my first day at our workplace.
We grew close only after that ride in your car when you were impressed that I hadn't made any comment on the state of your second-hand car then. I wasn't trying to be self-righteous but I did feel that I was in no position to be rude and comment on your car when I had actually benefitted from it by hitching a ride. It was after that incident that we bonded and we started going out after school despite our age gap of six years.
Lunches and shopping trips after school hours, particularly on Fridays, lent that extra skip and motivation at work. What more could a girl ask for when her superior was her best friend at work? I knew that some people were passing nasty comments behind us, but we drew the line clearly when it came to work. Our proximity, in fact, spurred me to prove that I was not dependent on you for professional liaisons. For the next two years, we spent long hours over food and shopping, relishing every bit of time with each other.
Then, she arrived. I know what she had said and I'd even received her SMSes that she had intentionally, or otherwise, sent to me instead of you. Imagine my shock then. I had no idea she was a cunning backstabber till then. To think I'd regarded her as one of us.
She started her childish antics of wheedling you away. Many a time did I catch her haughty, triumphant glances at me while she waltzed past with you. Was I being sensitive? I tried to dismiss this seemingly silly thought until others pointed out what I'd suspected all along. I didn't want to engage in a silly tug-of-war over playground politics and so, I'd started drifting away from you intentionally.
Then, I realised that she was the catalyst who instigated you with poisoned words while you, on the other hand, had already started viewing me in a different light. I had never wanted to compete with you in any sense, and till today, I do not see why you have that impression. We are not even under the same professional scrutiny to begin with. I was shattered to hear that you'd remarked bitterly over many aspects - material possessions, lifestyles, etc. You'd even blatantly queried how I'd managed to afford to spend lavishly on certain areas.
How did things turn out this way? Why has our friendship soured with such myopic travesty? It's almost farcical and certainly pedomorphic.
We could not escape the eyes of others and many started noticing that we weren't on speaking terms. It was awkward as we had constant contact with each other, teaching the same class and being paired together on occasions, particularly during that oral examination when we had only each other for company in the classroom.
A year has since passed after I've avoided conflict with you. The path of avoidance was chosen instead of confrontation as I felt that broaching on the subject would delight her for a clash of opinions would have certainly taken place.
Today, I asked you a question which I had avoided for long till now. You told me to check my email. There was a glint in your eye and it didn't feel right to me.
Reading the contents of your email, I could not help but feel dejected. I hate to admit it, but I was hurt. Through your tactful, carefully-worded sentences, I was disappointed. You said that you didn't think that I would "understand your plight" and you felt "really bad at having to write to explain". You'd signed off as "your friend, Ling" and it was the irony of that which brought tears to my eyes. If we were still friends, we would not have to avoid eye contact when we met, mumble through our gritted teeth when we bumped into each other, exit by the back of the classroom while the other made her entrance....the list goes on.
You don't have to "make it up to me" as stated in your email. Just stop hurting me with your little nuances. I've learnt that best friends are often the ones who leave the deepest emotional scars. This can only be taught through experience.
Best friends are only a figment of imagination, because at the end of the day, I've learnt that the only person you can trust is yourself. Thanks for the practical lessons in life.
Your Friend,
Michelle
