A Choice To Make

The end of all things is near.
Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.1 Peter 4:7 (NIV)

Daily Bible Verse - Christ Notes

What intrigues men with perfectly logical minds to dig up artefacts in barely inhibited sites must be the validation of one's hypothesis. Brewing perspiration & patient chipping are handled with cross-eyed delicacy. Discovery points to a single clause scrawled over one's face - "I was right!"

Gnaweous (a self-amalgamation of "gnaw" and "nauseous" with a pun thrown in for good measure =p ) reiterations of applause propel the quest to uncover history's secrets before others get in line.

Monetary treasures are oft free associations of discoveries. Think kerching, anyone? Egoistic flatulence aside, objects have little value to a society void of currency.

Huddled in a corner was a discovery waiting to defenestrate at a mere blip.

Derogating from dilating pupils, an epiphany hopped, skipped and jumped right into my lap.

And I'd come to realise.

The Village Idiot

I
... did all I could.
... swung between both ends of the continuum.
... grappled with the innate conditioning.
... anguished and pined.
... had fervent clippings tightly gripped.

You
... tangled me in your web and....
... came and left
... and came and left
... and came and left and came and left
... and came and left and came and left and came and left.

We
... spoke volumes of that unsaid.
... stretched each other's patience by holding out the bait just a little longer.
... engaged in psychological battles
... upped the stakes with each challenging mindgame.

If
... it could gain an ounce of attention, I would have.
... you asked, I'd give.
... a word was dropped, I'd revel in flighty notions.

Forgive me if I've played the role of The Village Idiot far too long.

Coordinates Unhinged

[Enter]

Yada Yada Yada

Ha Ha Ha Ha

This and That and Those

Now......Next.....Then.....

Blah blah blah blah blah....

[Exeunt]

That was as pointless as my point.

It's No Sacrifice

An earlier conversation with a friend, Mr R :

It's not worth it.
I know.

Is it known?
I don't want it to be.

Why?
Because.

What do you think?
I'm only a life buoy - failproof & needed only in emergencies.

Then?
There's no "then".

Now?
People change, R. That's the irony of humanity that separates us from the animals.

I don't get it, Mich. You're smarter than this.
This isn't academia, R. On this gameboard, I'm taking the noughts.

An almost fairytale, wasn't it?
(looks at R) Dreams are what we wake up from.

How do you feel?
I'm strong but it doesn't mean I don't hurt. I smile, but it doesn't mean I've never cried.

Will you tell?
Never.

So?
So, when loneliness strikes, I'll be around. When help's needed, I'll render it. When there's happiness, I'll slink away by the back door and peek with a smile.

It's a sacrifice.
Wrong. It's love.

Fly Away

A gust of wind tugs stubbornly at the taut string. Its efforts are undermined by the resistant twine, ensuing a struggling debacle.

Sometimes, it is better to release the sphere and watch it soar to where it pleases. Witness its ascent, soaking in the resplendence of its newfound identity.

The speck disappears into the distance and with it, the familiarity of its string formerly twirled around a finger. Suffice to say, the remnant cord encircles a wrist, threading pieces of the past and present.

Striding away with a smile on her face, she knows she has done the right thing.
She has set the balloon free.

I love you too much to make you stay.

Baby, fly away ------ [ Corrinne May ]

That Which I've Kept To Myself All These Years.

This song evoked pangs of emotions. It made me reflect on my own life and all the stupid mistakes I've made along the way, with only Mum for her ceaseless support. Mum and I have a very strong bond forged because Dad left one day without a word & I had to learn how to balance the books at 20.

To be honest, Pa, I think of you sometimes. I don't know where you are. I've seen you a few times. I've confronted you twice. I've ignored you on other occasions. You never played your part as a father. Blood is thicker than water but I cannot bring myself to forgive you. Maybe I never will. You don't exist in my life anymore. Where were you when everything happened? Where were you when I made all the sacrifices? Where were you when I received prize after prize as I grew up? You never made an effort to show up. I was never good enough to you despite striving to be number one and eventually, I gave up trying.

I hate you, Pa.

I hate you for leaving such a big void and I've been seeking to fill that void at all the wrong places. And it's all because I yearn for the validation that you never gave me. I bear the crap that people throw at me just for a second of attention. Because of something I yearn to have and never had, I thrive for a moment of happiness even though it is suffixed with an avalanche of tears.

Thank God for Mummy. I am humanised because of all the love Mummy has given me. To compensate for your mistakes, she has lavished every ounce of love on me. Although she cannot reverse the psychological damage, she has bandaged my wounds with her love. And that is something that you can never measure up to.

Pa, when you grow old one day and decide to return, my door is closed to you.
Don't even try to knock.

Il Divo - Mama
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
And for the timesI forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,you sacrificed

Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
Along the way (along the way)

Bridge:
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you , I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes (dry your eyes)

Bridge :
Cause I know you ....
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way (along the way)
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you ,mama