Unbelievable.

I can't believe that you'd actually written all that,
knowing fully well that what I'd scrawled was with YOU in mind.

What is Your intention?
What is Your purpose in doing so?

I've given you 9 years of my life,
with nought to show for it.

Let me go,
And I shall be free.

So What?

What I do not understand is,

WHY did You buy stuff from your missions,

Gave Me a Birthday Surprise and

Took Me out for hours just before You left?

Why do all those when You clearly had not seen me for 1.5 years up to that point and more importantly, I knew about ___.

I knew.

But my existence was shrouded till it was over in a couple of months.

Intrinsically, it is my fault for allowing this to drag.

It takes two to tango.

Take some responsibility,

And man up.

Docking at the Airport.

She got up,
And left.

If the ship wasn't docking,
She'd fly instead.

And so,
Her shadow scurried in tandem with her coattails.

She arrived at the Airport;
The plane had just touched down.

And she smiled
As the doors parted.

Would You?

You don't have to shout it out from the mountain top.

You don't have to get on a plane and scrawl against the skies.

You don't have to dive deep into the oceans.

Dramatic overtures are superfluous in expressing that which is simple and pure.

Handsome Pup,

Do You share the memories which Pretty Lil Kitten hold dear to her?

> Pretty Lil Kitten = YES.
> Platypus = NO.

She cannot read your mind, so as afraid as she was, she'd opened herself to You.

Would You?

Amidst the Lost and Found.

Funnily enough, though not of the humourous bwahahaha variety, contexts of a Missed Connection and Reconnection came my way this given week.

Invariably, as I read the scrawls on Reconnection, I thought of You and how apt it was -- the polaroids, the female's retort and about not sharing her youth but wanting to grow old with him -- The script was the same, a scrivenery of sorts if you will, but veered off in different directions. Hers tapered off in a beautiful manuscript while mine was/is the Unknown griffonage.

They're rather lengthy, so I'll show you my fave bits and affix a link to each article if you'd like to partake in their full glory. =)

(1) Reconnection (A Love Embraced, Some 35 Years Later)

Every so often Mr. Obenhaus would stumble upon his stash of Polaroids of Ms. Cioffi. “I would just think of her just very, very warmly, and kind of wonder, ‘What happened to her?’ ”

...When he returned home, he called her for their first telephone conversation. “I say to her, ‘I’m falling in love with you,’ ” he said. “And I say, ‘Well, I’ve loved you my whole life,’ ” she said.

...So, the vows began, “I offer you not the summer of my life but the autumn, brisk and vibrant.”

(2) Missed Connection

'I'll talk to her before daybreak; I'll talk to her before Tuesday.' The longer I waited, the harder it got. What could I possibly say to you now, now that we've passed this same station for the hundredth time? Maybe if I could go back to the first time the Q switched over to the local R line for the weekend, I could have said, "Well, this is inconvenient," but I couldn't very well say it now, could I? I would kick myself for days after every time you sneezed -- why hadn't I said "Bless You"? That tiny gesture could have been enough to pivot us into a conversation, but here in stupid silence still we sat.

...For sixty years, we sat in that car, just barely pretending not to notice each other. I got to know you so well, if only peripherally. I saw you cry once after you'd glanced at a neighbor's newspaper. I wondered if you were crying about something specific, or just the general passage of time, so unnoticeable until suddenly noticeable. I wanted to comfort you, wrap my arms around you, assure you I knew everything would be fine, but it felt too familiar; I stayed glued to my seat.

One day, in the middle of the afternoon, you stood up as the train pulled into Queensboro Plaza. It was difficult for you, this simple task of standing up, you hadn't done it in sixty years. Holding onto the rails, you managed to get yourself to the door. You hesitated briefly there, perhaps waiting for me to say something, giving me one last chance to stop you, but rather than spit out a lifetime of suppressed almost-conversations I said nothing, and I watched you slip out between the closing sliding doors.

It took me a few more stops before I realized you were really gone. I kept waiting for you to reenter the subway car, sit down next to me, rest your head on my shoulder. Nothing would be said. Nothing would need to be said.

When the train returned to Queensboro Plaza, I craned my neck as we entered the station. Perhaps you were there, on the platform, still waiting. Perhaps I would see you, smiling and bright, your long gray hair waving in the wind from the oncoming train.

But no, you were gone. And I realized most likely I would never see you again. And I thought about how amazing it is that you can know somebody for sixty years and yet still not really know that person at all.

Be It So.

Life was going great.

I was doing fabulously well at work.

I was out every single day with a great work-life balance.

More importantly, I was Happy.

Then, You happened.

Yes, You made me very Happy but along with the bouts of Happiness came a load of tears in private.

A colleague whom I scarcely knew was concerned enough to stop me along the stairway as my "countenance had dimmed."

Now, I am not one to betray emotion to friends, let alone to colleagues. The cheerleader in me always smiles despite the turmoil. It is my survival instinct. I am able to laugh and be exuberant even though I am shattered within.

Yet, her words shook me.

That was 6 years ago.

For some reason, the yellowed pages of my cognition rustled along those lines today.

On the surface,

Life is going great. I am able to enjoy a certain lifestyle and my abode is nestled within a prime district while the coupé is a beauty at $240k.

I am still doing fabulously well at work, with a large-scale international project to be considered.

I try to maintain a work-life balance by strictly adhering to a 5-day work week. The opportunity cost is having to slog till 11pm on weekdays. Occasionally, I waver and Saturday is spent on labouring over scripts and such.

There are days when I am genuinely Happy.

But...the joy of Yesterday has been snuffed.

You.

The tarrying and swinging of the continuum has left me weathered.

If You want me, then man up. Speak forth.

Plying me with nuances and overt gestures all at once is not quite the same as an outright answer.

I'd love to grow old with You and watch the lil ones squeal in delight at the playground.

The quintessential years, 9 to be exact, have been spent on sailing back and forth.

I know it was MY FAULT that ______, which was why I'd apologized to You just before You left. It took me 9 years to summon my courage for that.

Forget my status.

Forget my circumstances.

Forget everything.

And reach deep within,

To the time when we first met,

When our eyes twinkled and You'd send me a barrage of texts be it day or night. We'd find excuses to spend time together or You'd drop by unexpectedly.

Remember the halcyon days of our youth.

If You still hold those memories dearly, You've got to tell me.

I wish You would. That would really make my day to know that these are shared memories.

But if those are silly shades of the past, then let me go.

We're both doers and perfectionists to a fault. Yet, the fact that we're still in each other's lives, that You'd surprised me on my Birthday, that I'm even penning these scrawls is a testament to an awry equilibrium of sorts.

I cannot read Your mind but my heart is an open book.

It is You.

It will always be You.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Live life to the fullest.

Live.

Laugh.

Love.

=)

Happy Thoughts, Happy You

It's cold, quiet and late.
Pensive sips to ruminate.
Of a glass, and then two.
A stir, a whirl and next, a brew.
Feet aligned to home askew.
Eyelids drawn, dreams anew.

~ Mich

To Be The Best That I Can Be.

To be the best that I can be.

For some reason, 2013 ignited a spark; there have been numerous firsts in this single year than the last 5 years put together :

• Kickstarted my charity arm, 'Dough ___' (apologies for its truncated moniker in order prevent trolling.) Its objective is to provide food for the needy while inculcating values in my students (10-25 years old).
• Traipsed to an obscure island in Indonesia to provide medical supplies for the poor. It was highly precarious as we were huddled on a sampan & at the mercy of the sea for a good hour or so. Thereafter, we had to hoist ourselves up onto the anchored stilts in the deep & somehow scramble to safe ground. However, it was a humbling experience and I'm raring to go again! I also gained some friends from Indonesia, Hong Kong & Singapore as a result. Yay.
• Started on the ukulele.
• Invested in a DSLR & lenses.
• Travelled alone for the first time in my life and arrived at Sydney where my BFF played host & I had the best week ever!
• Was the model for a friend.
• Achieved my targeted monetary rate & results in teaching.
• Honoured to be a sample critic for the album of a local singer who is renowned internationally.
• Considering lessons on an international scale that span across Australia & the USA.

My bucket list does not stop there.

There are more that I intend to gun for.

Why?

Because I've been stagnated for far too long.

This is not a change but merely rediscovering my former (insanely) exuberant self.

To be the best that I can be.

For You,

And for Me. =)

Setting Sail.

“我扬起万千风帆，告诉你我好孤单”
Thousands of sails are hoisted, deigned to tell you of my loneliness.
(Word-for-word translation : I hoist thousands of sails to tell you that I'm so lonely.

As this refrain wafts into my subconscious, sadness welts and a crinkled curve finds its way to my mien.

You know, I know.

There is no more room for Pretence since that night before You left. We know that it has never been doe-eyed friendship.

Thereafter,

"Sweet dreams of Blue."

"Swim quickly here and take me to where You are. Hurry!"

I know

But why won't You tell me so?

'Are You Happy? Have I contributed to Your Happiness? Are You Happy?'
Yes, You've made me very Happy.

Harbouring Hope.

9 years of being adrift.

I'd like to come ashore now.

Thus I look to the harbour,

For the familiar figure that is You.

Enough.

Twist,

Wring,

Snap.

Repeat ad nauseam.

After all, a tree has numerous branches,

Right?

Noteworthy.

I saw.
And smiled. =)

The Wring.

If I were to throw in the towel,
And walk away,
Would You stay beside me
Like You used to?

Self-directed Anger.

It hurts.

Physically, mentally & emotionally.

All I can do is to close my eyes,

Imagine that You're with me

And tell myself that Tomorrow will be nigh.

Time.

You were a student; I'd just entered the workforce.

Days gave way to months and then, the years stole our youth away.

Be it joy or sorrow,
It has always been You.

Family.

A polite smile deflects that which I cannot say.

"A family," they say.

"With You," my heart whispers.

That is why.

Humdrum.

'Let me know that it's not all in my mind.'

~ Taylor Swift,
Everything Has Changed

Return to Sender.

9 years.

Have I displayed Patience?

I would love to know.

Grit & Grin.

对的人 不对的时间
却放不掉

~ 傻笑
The Foolish Grin
Jay Chou