Through the Fog, I Dreamt.

I dreamt of You. Thrice.

After all this while,

After having some peace of mind, I dreamt of You.

The scenario's always the same :

You'd lead me to a house. It was always one with copious amounts of space. You'd then draw near to me but leave soon after.

This inspid invasion of the subconscious is attributed to the onslaught I'd expected on Facebook.

"You know he'll do it. You're asking for it, provoking a retaliation by man this, man that," was B's chiding.

Really?

I thought it no longer mattered,

That You'd no longer cared,

That I no longer did either.

"If he no longer cared, would all these happen right now? Can you stop attributing it to sheer Coincidence? Do you really think you can hide behind naive thoughts? Can EVERYTHING he has done and tried to show be simply coincidence?" was M's exasperated admonishment.

It's better to think of everything as one huge Coincidence.

It's better this way.

So that I can continue to walk away.

I have to.

I must.

Suppose...

Hello, my dear reader(s)!

Wherever you may be on the globe, let me share a song that inebriates my subconscious whenever I am sad. Perhaps it will be your earworm henceforth. Beautifully crafted, the only tangible measure of its context is the extent to which your keyboard is soaked by the time you get to the end.

When one draws a sword, bloodshed is expected. When two bear arms, it invariably results in casualties. The pilferage is consequential to none but those involved.

It cuts & works both ways, ifyou You get what I mean.


Suppose I call you up tonight,
And told you that I love you.
And suppose I said I wanna come back home.
And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learnt my lesson,
And I'm tired of spending all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted,
And it's killing me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you love me too?
And would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say,

"I told you so. I told you so.
I told you someday you'd come crawling back
And asking me to take you in.
I told you so, but you had to go.
Now I've finally found someone new
And you would never break my heart in two again."

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever,
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feeling?
Would we laugh and talk for hours,
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you've missed me too
And that you've been so lonely?
And you've waited for the day that I'd return?
And we'd live and love forever
And that I'm your one and only
Would you say that the tables finally turn?


Would you say,
"I told you so. I told you so.
I told you someday you'd come crawling back
And asking me to take you in.
I told you so, but you had to go.
Now I've finally found someone new
And you would never break my heart in two again."

Let That Be Enough.

My modus operandi of the week is to simply forge ahead

And be oblivious to the obvious.

First, the scrawls.
Next, the place.

It is where my heart is.

You know it, for I've told you that if I could, I'd love to live in ____.

You will not take those wonderful memories away, as much as you try to remind me of your existence.

Why do all these,

Only when I've decided to let go?

Because You do not want to lose?
Because You cannot believe that the last line of defence has thrown in the towel?
Because You regret not telling me in return?
Because You still have feelings for me?

None of this is reality, for it is mere speculation in my head.

Conjectures will remain as such so long as You continue to play this game of Coincidence : Round 263690248032.

No.

I want to be OK.

I don't want to have slivers of pure joy sandwiched between layers of agony and tears.

Love is a many splendoured thing, but shards & fragments sure ain't part of that mix.

The guise,

The pretence,

The secrecy we've I've had to endure,

The tears...

Dear You, life has got to carry on.

Mine has been on hold for 9 years,

And soon, it shall be 10 when You return.

Let that be enough.

Changing Hands

Dear God,

Change me.
Change my heart.

Because I want to,
And not because I have to.

Erstwhile, grant me strength;
Stoicism in the face of the impending onslaught will be crucial.

Be still, my heart.
Nonchalance would be good.

The Lord will fight for you. You need onlt to be still. ~ Exodus 14:14

And, Why See?

Why?

Every step of yours gravitates towards a convenient coincidence.

Congrats, I've noticed.

Congrats, you've my attention.

Now what?

Why wait till now

When it is

Too little, too late....?